


Walls Fall Down

by pitch_playbook



Category: Pitch Perfect (2012)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-18
Updated: 2013-01-18
Packaged: 2017-11-25 23:32:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/644119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pitch_playbook/pseuds/pitch_playbook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every day for the past 8 months Beca got to wake up and call Chloe her girlfriend. She was happier than she'd ever been, with Chloe, she felt open, free, her walls had fallen down. Everything changes in an instant though, and Beca's happiness is turned on its head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

**Walls Fall Down**

**Disclaimer: The following is a work of fan-fiction. I claim no ownership over the characters therein. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Chapter 1**

8 months, 8 months that were for the most part the happiest 8 months of Beca's entire life. Every day for the past 8 months Beca got to wake up and call Chloe her girlfriend.

" _Your girlfriend, I like the sound of that," the red head had said one sunny afternoon while they were out on a walk across campus. Beca had just asked if she would maybe, sort of kind of like to be an official couple, and while it had taken a few weeks of dates and dropping hints, Chloe was overjoyed that she finally asked. From then on Beca called Chloe her girlfriend whenever she got the chance._

"A glass of water for my girlfriend," Beca asked, one evening as the pairing were eating dinner. Plain rice, broccoli and chicken, again. It must have been the fourth time this week, but it was one of the few things Beca could actually cook without burning. The same non-blackened food was better than different types of burnt cuisine any day.

"Yes my love, water is good," Chloe gave the brunette a peck on the lips as she got up to get their drinks.

This was a typical night for Beca and Chloe. Beca shows up at her apartment every day after class, they take turns "cooking" for each other, they eat, and study and then Beca generally gets talked into watch some silly reality show Chloe is following. Aubrey shares the apartment with Chloe, but she keeps mostly to herself, only joining them if one of the dramas she enjoys happens to be on. She and Beca are cordial now, but not quite what she would call good friends.

" _Come on Beca, she's my best friend, and she's a good person," Chloe pouts, "just give her a chance." For Chloe, Beca would do anything, so Beca gave the older woman a chance. They ate, talked and agreed to disagree about what constituted good music. It was enough to satisfy Chloe's desire for her best friend and her new girlfriend to resemble human beings, more so than antagonistic wild animals._

She doesn't want to rip the blonde's head off anymore, but they're not about to paint each other's nails and bust out Cosmo magazine together. That's more Chloe and Aubrey's thing, they still do the whole girly best friend thing whenever Beca isn't around. Its sweet really, that Chloe has someone, someone other than Beca who looks out for her, who cares about her. Aubrey's a good person Beca thinks, now she does anyway.

"Do you want anymore?" Beca asks, cleaning off her own plate and motioning to the still warm pot of rice on the stove.

"I think I'm good babe, is there anything you want to watch tonight?"

"Me?" Beca thought for a moment, "nope, whatever you want is fine. You know I only watch TV when I'm with you anyway."

" _I've just never liked TV, and don't pull a Jesse on me and act like not liking TV is like not liking rainbows or some crap." Beca had said this early in their relationship, probably shortly after their status as official girlfriends was cemented. She had started to spend more and more time at Chloe's off campus apartment, and Chloe was curious as to why she never wanted to pick the show. TV had been one of Chloe's favourite past times for years, other than singing it was probably her favourite. She liked to read, but never really found the time. She liked getting really wrapped up in a story, and not putting the book down until she finished, but her schedule didn't allow for that. 1, maybe 2 hours a night of story all wrapped up neatly, Chloe could do that._

The red head flipped through the guide until she found what she was looking for. It was the night for the Bachelor, one of Chloe's guilty pleasure shows, or so she called it. Everything Chloe watched Beca would refer to as a guilty pleasure. If it were anyone else she would probably have some snark for them, but this was Chloe, this was the girl Beca would sit around and actually pay attention to the rose ceremony for.

"So, do you still want to go to the party tomorrow?" Chloe asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, its fine, I'll go."

"Are you sure? You seemed pretty annoyed about it earlier."

"It's fine, I'm sorry, it's just..."

"You don't like my co-workers, I know. They are kind of douchey," the red head admitted.

"Sorry," Beca put her head down.

Chloe wrapped her arm around the brunette, and pulled the blanket tighter around the pair. "I love you," she whispered into the other woman's chocolate brown locks. They always smelled of cucumber melon, the shampoo Beca had at her dorm, and the matching bottle Chloe bought for her own apartment for whenever Beca stayed over.

"I love you too, beautiful."

" _I love you, beautiful." It was raining, and Beca was freezing the first time Chloe said these words to her. She had her arms wrapped around her and they were standing, just standing in the rain, kissing and standing actually. Chloe loved the rain, even when it was cold, she said it made her feel alive; so did Beca apparently, at least that what Chloe always said. "I love you too," the words tumbled out of Beca's mouth; she didn't realize she'd said them, but she knew she meant them. She wasn't sure when she fell in love with the girl with the cherry red hair, and shiny blue eyes who always smelled of lavender, but she had most definitely fallen, and hard._

The party was pretty lame, not that Beca expected anything more. Chloe's co-workers weren't exactly Beca's ideal friends, not that Beca had ideal friends, she didn't have very many friends to begin with. They talked about boring things, they laughed at stupid jokes, and they were very judgemental, and no the irony of calling other people judgemental while judging them was not lost on the girl. Still though, these parties were important to the company, important for Chloe's future and thus had to be important to Beca. Thankfully Aubrey was one of these co-workers though, and if Beca was thankful for Aubrey's presence, well, that speaks for itself.

"Don't look so excited," the blonde teased, taking a seat next to Beca on the couch.

"Sorry, its just…"

"You hate these fucking people, yeah I know, so do I."

Beca could do nothing but laugh at this admission. She was under the impression that Aubrey was one of these people, but if she hated them too, well she couldn't be that bad.

" _I'm going to work in marketing, with Aubrey," she said, excited that she had finally figured out her future plans. The red head had majored in music and business at Barden, without a clue in the world as to what she wanted to do after. She always thought she might follow Aubrey into whatever she decided to do, but she was excited to find she actually wanted to and wouldn't just be doing it because. Marketing Beca thought, how boring, her feelings only confirmed the first time she met her beloved's co-workers. Still though, she accompanied her to every company function, and supported everything she did, just like Chloe had always done for her._

"These shots are disgusting," Aubrey spat, after six, or was it seven shots of who knows what.

"Maybe, but I can't really taste anything anymore," Beca laughed. She had always been prone to fits of giggles when she was drunk, much to Chloe's surprise.

" _I always expected you to be a weepy or angry drunk," the red head confessed at one of the first parties they attended together. Beca wasn't much for parties, but she had been excited to attend this one as Chloe's girlfriend. A party was much better when you could tell the drunken frat boys you were not only uninterested, but unavailable. They ended up falling asleep in each other's arms, although in someone else's bedroom._

"How much have you had to drink?" Chloe asked, the anger that tinged her voice was obvious to Beca, even in her inebriated state.

"What's it to you? You've been over there chatting up Dingus, or Doofus or whatever his name is all night."

"Drew, and what the hell do you mean, what's it to me. Last I check you were my girlfriend, and I care about you, I just wanted to check on you, but whatever. I'll go back and talk to Dingus," the red head stormed off.

" _Jesus Chloe, why the hell do you always need to know what I'm doing?" she spit it out before thinking, she just wanted to go out with her friends and they had been fighting out little things all week, the tension building more with every stupid comment. "Excuse me for caring," the hurt in her voice palpable, "I just want to make sure you're okay." Chloe always looked out for her, no matter what, even when Beca didn't care to look out for herself._

The walls were the faintest hint of blue, Beca recognized the colour, she recognized the door way, she recognized the bed but she didn't know how she had gotten there. It was Chloe's bed; if nothing else the lavender lingering on the pillow told her this. Chloe though, wasn't there, and Beca had no idea where she was. She didn't remember the rest of last night, she remembered fighting with Chloe and Chloe storming off in the opposite direction of her and Aubrey but that was it.

"Chloe, baby, are you here?" Beca called out into the apartment. If she was in Chloe's apartment, she assumed Chloe had brought her there.

"Beca?" Aubrey's door creaked open gently, and the blonde met Beca's dark blue eyes in the hallway.

"How did I get here, and do you know where Chloe is?"

"Umm, we took a cab, sometime around 4 am, and I honestly don't know, she wasn't with us last night. Sorry."

If Chloe wasn't with them when she left, maybe she stayed over at her co-worker's house. Beca was pretty sure it was that Drew fellow's house that the party was at. It wasn't as if she had his number though, I guess all she could do was check her phone and hope the red head had left her a message, or a text, or 20 texts, what? Beca thought she must be seriously hung over if her phone was showing 20 unread messages, 6 voicemails and 10 missed calls. What the hell?

" _Beca, babe, you need to check your phone more often, I tried to call you 4 times before this," Chloe informed her. Beca almost never checked her phone, if she was with Chloe she didn't need to and when she wasn't, it usually meant she was in class or otherwise occupied. "I'm sorry, I'll try to check it more often, I'd hate to miss a chance to see you," she smiled, leaning in for a kiss. They were tangled up in blankets Chloe's bed, Beca having finally accepted an invitation to come over, after that 4_ _th_ _missed call. If picking up her phone meant getting this, Beca was going to pick up that phone come hell or high water._

Beca, seriously, pick up your damn phone from was the only text message Beca read before deciding to listen to the voice mails. "Beca, this is Chloe's dad, Jim…" the older man's voice broke, it reminded her so much of Chloe's when she was sad. "I uh, I really need to talk to you in person, please call me when you get this." He left his number, and he hung up, every time. What the hell was going on and how did Chloe's father get her number and why did he need to use it. Beca's head was pounding, her memory fuzzy but coming back to her.

" _Beca, do whatever you want, I'm going home. I'm taking the car, give me your keys." Beca tossed the red head the keys to her Honda, they landed closer to her than to her target, but Chloe scooped them up and made her way out the door of her co-worker's house. "What the hell is her problem?" she turned to Aubrey. "She's upset; she'll cool off and unlike you she's sober so she'll be fine, just give her some time," Aubrey assured her. It was funny, Aubrey actually giving her good relationship advice. Beca was sure Aubrey quietly disapproved of their relationship, seeing Beca as not at all good enough for her friend, maybe though, maybe she was wrong._

When she made her way back out into the hallway, she could see Aubrey's tear stained cheeks, her pale eyes almost invisible behind the wall of water pouring out.

"Tell me you didn't call him back, tell me you're crying for some other reason, any other reason that her being hurt," Beca held back her own tears, wanting to believe Chloe's father would have any other reason to call her, any other reason than the worst reasons she could imagine.

Aubrey didn't say anything, her body sliding slowly down the wall next to her bedroom door. She couldn't bring herself to say it, she couldn't bring herself to tell the only person Chloe had every really loved that she was gone. The she was never coming back.

" _We'll be friends forever, right Aubrey?" seven year old Chloe smiled brightly at the blonde sitting across from her in the tree house her father had built. "Forever and ever, we're best friends and best friends are friends forever." This was the only memory Aubrey's brain could muster at the moment. Her brain felt fractured into a million pieces, much like her heart, all she could feel was pain and this faint memory. A faint memory of one of a million days Aubrey and Chloe had spent together, laughing, talking, playing, and just being together. A day when Aubrey had actually been a good friend to Chloe and not one where she let her walk out the door of some strange house at 2 am, sad and angry. Stupid and guilty, two more things Aubrey's brain let her feel through the pain._

"How?" was all Beca could muster. How did the girl I love, or loved, or whatever, how did the only person I ever loved lose their life. That was what Beca actually wanted to say, but one word said enough, Aubrey could feel the rest.

"T-boned in an intersection on her way back here," the blonde started, repeating the same words Chloe's father had said to her minutes ago on the phone. "Instantly," she answered Beca's next question before she even said it.

Cry or scream, both, Beca didn't know what to do, so she did nothing. She sat on the floor across from Aubrey, both women saying and doing nothing. Moving didn't even seem possible anymore, or speech, or anything that remotely resembled proper human behaviour. Sitting, in shock, that was all Beca was capable of. Its not like there were anywhere to move to, or anyone to speak to. She didn't need to go to the hospital, the body would be long since identified by Chloe's parents, there was nothing there for her. Aubrey was in no state to speak, in just as much shock as Beca. So they sat, silently, waiting for nothing. With Chloe, Beca's walls had fallen down, but now her walls, her thoughts threatened to crush her, rising up and closing in on her.

" _I'll miss you too much Chloe," the brunette pouted, she had to leave for semi-finals but was delaying the inevitable. "You'll only be gone for the weekend, and you'll be with the Bellas, you won't even notice I'm not there," Chloe placed a kiss on her forehead. "Of course I'll notice silly, I never want to be without you, not even for a moment."_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Whoever it was could probably bang down the door if they tried any harder. She didn't care, she still wasn't getting up; Aubrey could answer if she wasn't still emptying her guts. The banging stopped and Beca wasn't sure but she thought she heard keys in the lock, it was faint, heard only through the pounding in her own head but it was there. Before she knew it the covers were ripped off and arms were around her, pulling her up, hugging her, holding her. Not Aubrey's, not today, not any day since that first day, stronger arms. She just sat there, strong arms around her, she just sat. There were no more tears to cry, not today anyway. After what seemed like an eternity, the arms were no longer around her and the owned opened their mouth to speak.

"The funeral is tomorrow," he said softly. Beca still didn't speak.

"If it's too much for you, you don't have to come. I'm sure she'd understand," Chloe's father was together, so composed in spite of everything that had happened. Beca never returned his phone calls, he filled up her voice mail box, but she still never called him back. She couldn't bring herself to talk to him, to anyone really, other than the few words she said to Aubrey two nights ago. He must have finally gone through the things Chloe had on her at the time and taken the keys.

"I'm sorry," was all Beca could muster. They sat in silence for a while longer on the edge of the bed.

" _My dad will love you," Chloe chirped. It was 3 months into their relationship and Chloe had wanted her to meet her parents. Beca had actually never met a significant other's parents before, she didn't know what to expect but she certainly didn't expect them to love her. She didn't have the kind of charm that parents love; she didn't make a good first impression. She dreaded meeting the red head's parents, thinking for sure the relationship would be over once they told Chloe what they thought of her. Chloe's dad did apparently love her though, he told her that he had never seen his daughter happier and that she must be doing something right. He liked that she was so passionate about music, and that she was so sweet and protective of Chloe. Chloe told her later that her dad had called her a keeper._

Chloe's father got up from the bed, "I'm not leaving," he started, "I'm just going to find Aubrey." Beca pointed towards the bathroom, she wasn't sure Aubrey was still in there but she could guess. It was amazing that you could still be so physically ill when you hadn't had anything to eat or drink in two days. Beca had checked on the blonde a few hours ago, but it was probably time someone did again. As much as all of this was killing Beca, she couldn't even imagine the immeasurable pain Aubrey was in, having known Chloe for over 15 years.

She could hear muffled sobs coming from living room, amazed that Aubrey could still cry, being as dehydrated as she must be. She dragged herself off the bed and out into the room where Jim and Aubrey were both sitting on the couch. Aubrey's face was buried in the older man's shoulder, his arm around her. It broke Beca's already shattered heart all over again to see them like that. She hadn't noticed before but the man had dark circles under his eyes which were deep with sadness. His usually clean shaven face was covered in hair, the hair on his head out of place. He had obviously been sleeping just as well as the two current occupants of this apartment.

He gestured for Beca to sit down next to Aubrey. The brunette took a seat on the couch. Aubrey stirred at the movement and pulled herself away from Chloe's father. She wasn't sure if it was instinct or pity but Beca put her arm around the blonde. She assumed Chloe's father wanted to address them both, so she waited.

"She didn't suffer," he started, his voice now shaky, "she was killed on impact. I didn't know if either of you knew. I don't really remember what I told who and when. The last few days have been kind of a blur." Tears were now spilling from the man's tired eyes, the hurt evident in his voice. Beca couldn't believe this man's only daughter was dead, and he was here consoling them.

"I'm sorry," she offered again, not knowing what else to say. Nothing anyone could say would make her feel any better at this point, and surely he was feeling the same.

"She loved you both so much more than anything else in this world you know. It would break her heart to see you like this." In fact it was breaking his heart to see them like this, knowing how much his daughter cared for both of them. There was a point when he wasn't sure he'd ever hear his daughter talk about anything except this Beca girl.

" _Beca loves this song," Chloe was dancing in her seat. She was home for the weekend, and her father was taking her shopping. Mother's Day was coming up, and it was tradition for the two of them to go out and pick out gifts for her together. Chloe spent most of the day filling her father in about her new girlfriend. The red head was nervous at first, about telling her father that she was dating another girl but he just laughed. He said that hopefully this meant he wouldn't have to beat any sorry punk's ass for messing with his girl. By the end of the day her father knew everything about Beca, right down to her exact physical description, and her most hated overplayed pop songs._

Beca finally found that words were forming in her throat. "I really loved her too," she said, "and I can't believe I'll never get to tell her that again." Beca couldn't bring herself to say what she really meant, which was that she couldn't believe the last thing she said to the red head wasn't I love you. It was something stupid, and awful, she told her that she didn't care about her when all Chloe ever did was care. Beca's last memory of Chloe was the thing that broke her heart the most, it was drunken and hazy, and it was an image of her upset. All Beca ever wanted was to see the other woman smile, and she'd never see that bright smile again. She grasped hard to the memory of the last time she had seen it, that morning. She'd woken up and smiled at a half sleeping Beca before she left, promising to rush home so they could spend some time together before the party.

"She knew," it was Aubrey who said this. She hadn't spoken the entire time, but if there was anything Aubrey was sure of it was that Chloe knew how much Beca loved her.

"The funeral is tomorrow," her father repeated the words he had shared with Beca earlier. He had the details on a slip of paper which he handed to Aubrey.

"We'll be there," the blonde confirmed, finding her strength. She didn't ask Beca or even look at her, but she knew without words that Beca wouldn't miss her last chance to say goodbye.

" _Goodbye Beca," Chloe shouted into Beca's dorm room, closing the door gently after one of their earliest dates. Beca hated that word, goodbye. It always seemed to final to her. She preferred to just say she'd see her tomorrow, because she would always see her tomorrow. No matter what she was doing, or how busy she was with classes, with rehearsals, with life, she always made time to see Chloe. She would bring her cookies, or flowers or just a cup of coffee, any excuse to visit the red head's apartment and see that smile. Goodbye was never a word that crossed Beca's lips, always see you tomorrow._

"We'll be there," Beca repeated.

Chloe's father Jim rose from his spot on the couch, motioning for Beca to follow him. Beca removed her arm from Aubrey's shoulder and threw a blanket over her form. The man stopped in the kitchen of the apartment, and simply handed Beca a box.

"I found this on the ground at the crash site,"he said, tears returning to his eyes. "It was for Valentine's Day, I think." The box contained a beautiful heart shaped necklace. Beca flipped it over and over in her hand. Her eyes were foggy, but on the third rotation she noticed that the back was engraved. I love you was all it read, but that was all it took for Beca's eyes to well up. She pulled a bracelet out the pocket of her jeans, she had grabbed it out of her drawer and shoved it in there a few days ago and hadn't thought about it since. It was the bracelet she had bought for Chloe for the occasion, also engraved, this time with Beca loves Chloe.

"Bury her with it?" she asked, almost hesitantly, not wanting to add to the man's pain any more than she already had. He just nodded before turning to leave the apartment. "Thank you," Beca whispered.

" _Do you think she'll like this?" She couldn't believe she was out shopping with Aubrey but it was going to be their first Valentine's Day together and she wanted to get Chloe something special. "Its lovely, but she'll love anything from you," the blonde assured her. She looked around a little bit more before settling on the same bracelet she had asked Aubrey about minutes ago. When Beca picked it up a few hours later, the engraving complete, the clerk assured her that her special someone would love it._

Beca just started to laugh, making her way back to Aubrey in the living room who was now asleep. Laughing she thought was the most inappropriate reaction possible, but she couldn't help it. It was so painfully stupid to her that now she would be spending their first Valentine's Day together at her girlfriend's funeral. Instead of kissing her lips, and telling her how much she loved her, she'd be standing at her gave site. Was this irony, Beca didn't know, but whatever it was, it felt like a knife twisting in her heart. She always imagined her first Valentine's Day with Chloe as her girlfriend would be special; the thought that it would be the most painful day of her life never crossed her mind.

"I let her walk out the door, I threw her the god damned keys," Beca spat angrily, mostly at herself but she was loud enough that Aubrey woke up.

"and I told you not to go after her," Aubrey started, "we could do this all day Beca. She was a grown woman, she wanted to leave and she left. It was no one's fault and you can't let that eat away at you. It is horrible, and the stuff of nightmares Beca, but not your fault. The last thing Chloe would want would be for you to let yourself think that, even for another second." It was the most composed Beca had seen Aubrey in days, and her words surprised the brunette. She fully expected Aubrey of all people to feel Beca was at fault. She was right though, wasn't she always. Chloe would never blame either of them, no matter how angry she was. Any day, any time the worst came happen and that's just life, and it is horrible and the stuff of nightmares as Aubrey said, but there's nothing anyone can do to change that.

" _That's awful," Beca said one night as they watched the news together. "That's life," Chloe replied. Chloe, the sunshine and rainbows Chloe that Beca knew and loved had just said this, about a news piece about people dying. She couldn't believe it, but Chloe expanded her thought seconds later. "I mean it is awful, but awful things happen all the time Beca and we can't change them, or dwell on them. You'll drive yourself crazy if you let it eat away at you." She was right Beca guessed, but it was just so strange that she felt this way._

"Do you think you can keep anything down?" Aubrey asked, after a few more minutes of silence. Beca didn't reply, but Aubrey picked up her phone anyway. If they were going to go out tomorrow they needed to get it together. Chloe's family would be in enough pain without her father having to continue to worry about the two of them. He would, Aubrey knew it, he was like Chloe, compassionate and caring. He'd come back if he thought they still weren't eating or sleeping, and the last thing he needed to worry about at this time was them. His daughter was dead, and his daughter was the best friend Aubrey had ever had. For her and her family she would make sure they pulled it together, at least long enough to get through the day. She ordered them a pizza, and sat upright on the couch.

When the delivery man arrived Aubrey grabbed the box, shoved at a twenty out the door and slammed it. She was going to try and keep it together for Beca but not for anyone else. She grabbed them water bottles out of the fridge and threw the box on the coffee table. Beca didn't move. "Eat," the blonde urged. "You're going to eat, and you're going to tell me about your favourite memory of her." She didn't know why she added that last part, but I guess she just wanted to talk about her. They had both spent the last two days in shock and silence, and Aubrey was tired of silence, and crying. I guess she wasn't used it to it, living with Chloe the apartment had never been this quiet and devoid of life.

Beca just wanted to crawl back into Chloe's bed, having had enough human interaction for one day. Her stomach was threatening to eat itself though, and as much as she wanted to be alone, it was clear that Aubrey didn't. She grabbed a slice from the box, and wet her throat with the water Aubrey had set out for her. It felt good to finally drink something; she hadn't realized until this moment exactly how much her body had been craving some liquid. Her lips were dry and cracked, and her throat was horse.

"She kissed me for the first time in my dorm room," she spoke up suddenly, after a few bites of the lukewarm pizza.

" _We're supposed to be studying," Beca said in shock, pulling away from the other woman. "I was studying," the red head admitted, "I was studying you." She placed another kiss on the brunette's lips and this time Beca didn't pull away. She leaned into the kiss, deep and warm, and lavender scented, Chloe always was. "Go out on a date with me," Chloe asked, when she finally came up for air, "a real one with flowers, and a restaurant and a sweet kiss goodnight." All Beca could do was nod. She had been waiting for this moment, too scared to bring it up herself._

"I actually didn't know that," Aubrey replied, much to Beca's surprise. Aubrey and Chloe shared everything, but I guess there were some moments that Chloe preferred to keep between the two of them. "She wanted to do that for so long, she just wasn't sure you wanted her to," she revealed, "you're pretty hard to read Beca. Such high walls to break down, but if anyone could make someone open up, it was Chloe."

"Yeah well, I let her in and look where I am now," Beca ran her fingers roughly through her hair.

"Oh stop, you can't tell me you would rather trade the last 8 months just so you wouldn't be feeling like this right now," Aubrey didn't mean for it to come off as harshly as it probably had, but it was the truth. Beca wouldn't trade the last 8 months for anything in the world, even if it meant her heart was in shreds right now.

"She hated this pizza," Beca said, reaching for another slice of the now cold pie. "But she always got it because it was your favourite," Aubrey added, "I know."

"I always told her we could order from somewhere else, but she insisted."

"That was Chloe," the blonde smiled slightly, for the first time in days, "always cared more about everyone else than herself."

"Yeah," Beca nodded.

" _But Aubrey wants to see the one with Josh Duhmel so we'll see that one," the red head smiled. It was Chloe's turn to pick the movie, but as always she picked something Aubrey or Beca would like to see. On this particular night Aubrey was upset because her boyfriend had stood her up, for the third time this week. He was an asshole, most of Aubrey's boyfriends were. Chloe never judged her for picking the wrong guy, but she was always there to pick up the pieces when he inevitably broke her heart._

"I think I'm going to go back to sleep now, I'll uh, shower in the morning and we can drive over together," in all the shock of the last few days Beca had actually forgotten that her car was totalled. Not that it matter, she wasn't the least bit concerned about that piece of crap. She'd never want to drive it again, even if it was fixable.

"Beca?" Aubrey whispered as the brunette rose from her spot on the couch.

"What?"

"Can I sleep in there with you tonight? Chloe always let me climb in with her when I was feeling," Aubrey stopped, she was going to say sad, but she was so much more than sad. Heart broken, devastated, anything more painful than sad.

Beca slept on Chloe's side of the bed, Aubrey climbed onto hers. They had both had enough conversation for the day, lying silently. They had been in the same space since the accident, but had done their grieving mostly alone. Aubrey in the bathroom, Beca in the same bed they were now occupying. Beca still couldn't sleep, but at least now she wasn't alone.

" _You're a blanket hog Chloe, you know that." Chloe took all the blankets, every night. The red head didn't do it on purpose, but I guess she was used to sleeping alone. Beca had only just started staying the night, usually going back to her dorm room after their dates. She would adjust in time, or they would just buy more blankets, it didn't matter. Beca was just glad to be sleeping next to her, it would always be better than sleeping alone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: If you're actually reading this, I just want to thank you for following the story. I was trying out something different this time around. Feedback is always welcome and appreciated, be it good or bad.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Just want to thank everyone for reading again. If you're following it, enjoying it, thank you. Feedback would be greatly appreciated, positive, negative, constructive, whatever, its all welcome. I was really unsure about this story, and writing something much sadder and angsty than I usually do.

**Chapter 3**

"Do you want some help?" Aubrey asked softly, standing in the door way of what had been Chloe's room.

Beca was folding one of Chole's shirts, she held onto it a little longer, running her fingers over the soft fabric, taking in the faint scent of lavender one last time before placing it into the box. It had been 5 weeks since Chloe's funeral and Beca was now packing up her stuff. She was packing away the memories, all of the tokens of the red head's tragically short life; each of Chloe's possessions packed away neatly in a few boxes. She would keep some of the stuff, and the rest, she figured she would bring over to Chloe's parents' house. They hadn't asked her, hadn't bugged her to pack up the room but she knew they wanted her stuff back. She hadn't seen them since the funeral, but her father called Aubrey every once and a while to check on them. He didn't have his daughter to check up on anymore, but he had them and Beca figured it comforted the man to know they were doing well, or at least holding on.

_It rained; of course it rained on the day Chloe was to be laid to rest. The rain washed over Beca's face, wash over her and made her feel anything but alive, the feeling Chloe always said she got from the rain. The droplets made her feel even worse than she already did, every one that hit her face was another affirmation that Chloe was really gone, never coming back. It was this finality that caused a sharp pain in Beca's chest. In the days prior she spent most of her time trying to forget; forget that Aubrey said she was gone, forget that she would never walk through the door again, forget that she would never get another kiss, another I love you, another moment with her. On this day though, standing at the cemetery drenched and cold, she couldn't forget. On this day, she had to say her least favourite word; goodbye._

"Yeah actually, that would be nice."

They folded shirts, put jewellery away in its box, packed away books and CDs; everything that Chloe had scattered about the room was soon fit neatly into a cardboard box. Beca kept a shirt, her favourite shirt actually, one Chloe had stolen from her dorm room early in their relationship. She kept a locket, which held two pictures, one of her and Chloe, the other of Chloe with Aubrey. A framed photo of them on their three month anniversary which Chloe insisted was a real thing because they celebrated it on Gilmore Girls. Chloe's favourite stuffed animal, the one she claimed not to sleep with. Finally, she kept a leather bound book that she found under the bed; a diary. She'd actually never seen it before, but she had a feeling within its pages she'd find the words that would make her feel better on her worst days.

"Do you want this?" Beca asked Aubrey, holding up Chloe's Bella scarf. She kind of wanted it for herself, the Bellas being the place where she fell in love with Chloe, but she knew it would mean even more to Aubrey.

"Thanks," Aubrey said sadly, taking a seat on the bed. "You know this is the longest we've ever been apart since we were 4."

" _Hi Mrs. Beale, can Chloe come to the park today?" Aubrey was at her friend's door, like every afternoon. They were 8 and inseparable, since the day they met. "Oh, she's sick, well when can I see her again?" "A few days? That's like forever," the blonde whined, walking away from the door solemnly. She really wanted to go to the park with Chloe, the park wasn't the same without her. Nothing was the same without Chloe._

Beca wasn't sure if she actually wanted to talk about her right now, but it made sense. It was sad almost, how someone's life or at least part of someone's life could fit so neatly into boxes. I guess it spoke to how short Chloe's life actually was, she never had the chance to accumulate a bunch of artifacts.

"I'm sorry you lost your best friend," Beca spoke up suddenly, "I don't think I've said that to you yet. I loved her and that seems to elicit a lot of sympathy from people, but you loved her too and for so much longer. This is the most pain I've ever been in, but I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling. So yeah, as sorry as everybody is that I've lost my love, I'm sorry that you lost your best friend."

Aubrey was speechless. It was true what Beca had said about people offering her all the sympathy. She had known Chloe a mere fraction of the time that Aubrey had, and everyone and their dog told her how sorry they were. Aubrey wasn't jealous, it would be a ridiculous thing to be jealous of but she did wish more people understood how much pain she was actually in. Beca, the one who was also in immeasurable pain and who could easily be all consumed by her own heartbreak was the only one who seemed to. Chloe was the best friend she had ever had, and sometimes the only friend she had. She was the only person in her life that loved her unconditionally and now she was gone.

" _You'll always be there for me right? No matter what?" Chloe's expression was serious, like Aubrey had rarely seen it. They were fourteen and had just started high school. Chloe was always happy, carefree almost to the point of recklessness but in this moment she wasn't. "Of course I will be, what makes you say that?" They were lying on their backs in the grass, the sun beating down, illuminating their already bright hair. "Its just, we're starting high school, isn't this when all the hard stuff starts, when life starts getting messy. I just don't want us to drift apart." "That crazy," was all the blonde could muster, "we're friends forever Chloe, we'll never drift apart. I'd miss you too damn much."_

"Thanks. I miss her so much it hurts and I know that's so cliché but everything about this does. This is fucking ridiculous. Chloe is dead, like actually dead. How fucking stupid is that? She's dead, she got hit by a car and died. I'll never get to see her again, never get to talk to her again. I'd give anything to just be able to watch one more cheesy romantic comedy with her, or go back to when we won nationals, or hell just go back to being 4 years old when we met. Everything was a lot simpler then and she wasn't fucking dead," Aubrey finished her rant and took a deep breath.

Beca just started laughing, as Aubrey raised an eyebrow at her from the other side of the bed.

"Sorry I can't help it. You're right, this is fucking stupid. I can't even believe it some days when I wake up. She was twenty; she hadn't even lived a quarter century. That's what's running through my mind as I pack up her stuff, she doesn't have any. She doesn't have anything that says she actually lived. Five weeks ago I had a girlfriend, a beautiful, amazing, sweet girlfriend. The most wonderful person I had ever met, and now she's dead. I could definitely go for one of those romantic comedies right now, the one where the guy gets the girl and they kiss and they get their happily ever fucking after and no one dies," she was laughing before, but now Beca is in tears.

Aubrey just wraps her arm around the smaller girl. There are no more words tonight, their words are spent. Tonight, tonight it's just tears again. Not every night has tears, some nights are silent. Some nights are nights where everything gets thrown around and stuff gets broken. Some nights are actually even a little bit fun, Beca doesn't go out but some nights she just sits and watches stupid TV shows with Aubrey. The same stupid shows she watched with Chloe, she thought it would make her sad to watch again but they actually make her laugh. Some nights though, like tonight, are for tears. Bitter, salty, uncontrollable; tears.

The buzzing is loud and unwelcome, it always is, or at least it has been since Chloe's death. Usually just people calling to offer their sympathy, or calling to check if she's okay, or just calling to call, who does that. Her fingers flit over to the night stand, whoever it is is obviously not going to stop.

"What?" she half shouts into the phone.

"Jesus Beca, its about time you pick up. I've been trying to call you, your voicemail box is full. I'm worried about you Beca, and I don't even know where you are," it was the unmistakable voice of Beca's father.

"Sorry, I've been," so many words would fit here, and all of them ran through her head before she answered, "busy."

"I'm sorry about Chloe, I know you loved her."

Beca exhaled, "Yeah. Anyway I'm fine, I'm at Chloe and Aubrey's apartment. I've been here since the accident."

"Yeah, and you haven't been to any of your classes. Beca you're going to flunk out."

"Did you seriously call to lecture me? I withdrew for the semester. Do you think I could actually concentrate even if I did go to class?"

There was silence on the other end of the line, Beca hung up.

"You okay?," Aubrey poked her head through the bedroom door, "I heard you yelling."

Beca sat upright and patted the spot next to her on the bed. Aubrey sat down next to the brunette.

"I'm fine. Just my idiot father," Beca clarified.

"He's just worried about you," the blonde offered. She did think the man was an idiot for berating her about classes so soon after her loss, but on the other hand, he probably just didn't want to see her life fall apart because of it. They'd get back on their feet though, at some point. When Beca withdrew from classes she promised Aubrey she'd go back in the fall. When Aubrey took a leave of absence from work, she made it clear that it was only temporary.

"Can I move in here?" Beca asked suddenly.

"You kind of already have," Aubrey laughed, "but yeah. I mean, I can afford the rent on my own and everything but I don't really want to live here alone. You still have to go back to Barden in the fall though."

Beca kind of had already moved into the place. She hadn't really left since the morning after. She went back to her dorm room to grab her clothes after the funeral, but that was it. At first she just didn't want to leave Chloe's room, then she didn't want to be alone, now, she just liked living with Aubrey. Sure they weren't living under normal circumstances, but it still beat coming home every evening to Kimmy Jin. She was confident the blonde was much more willing to put up with her crying, screaming and just general moodiness than her former roommate. Although Kimmy Jin was concerned enough to text message her a few weeks ago,  _Beca are you ever coming back? I heard about the red head, sorry I don't know her name._

Two weeks later Beca stopped by her father's office on campus. She was there to sign some papers officially withdrawing her from the courses she was signed up for that semester. Everyone she passed by at Barden gave her sympathetic looks. It was weird, she fancied herself relatively unknown but I guess after the Bellas big win last year she was at least recognizable and Chloe certainly had been. She knocked on the door; half hoping the man had gone home or was teaching, she honestly didn't know his schedule.

"Beca," he said, shocked that his daughter was actually standing in the door way. He hadn't seen her in two months now. He had been trying to call her since he read about the accident in the paper, but Beca never picked up the phone and it became useless. He wished he didn't yell at her when she did pick up. Why was he always such a fool when it came to his interactions with her? He only wanted the best for her, but everything he did Beca treated like the worst thing in the world.

" _You're leaving, is in moving out, never coming back?" Beca spat, tears rolling down her face. She knew her parents relationship hadn't be good for a while, in her thirteen year old naivety she hadn't actually expected him to leave. "Yes Beca, I'm sorry, we don't work, you know we don't work. I have to go." With that her father walked out the door, never to come back, just like Beca said. He didn't even bother to call her, to even try to keep up a relationship, he just left her alone._

"Hey," the brunette took a seat in the chair across from her father. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I was."

"No, Beca, I'm sorry I yelled at you and I'm sorry I'm not a good enough father that I didn't even realize where you would be. You lost the person you loved most in this world, and I called you and yelled about stupid classes. I'm an idiot."

Beca was going to agreed be refrained, she just sat. She honestly didn't even know why she was there, just to apologize really. As much crap as there was between her and her father, he was worried about her and not telling him where she was for five weeks was pretty shitty of her.

"So, how are you?" It was the only thing he could think of to say.

"I've definitely been better, but I guess I'm okay today. I'm out of the apartment, that's better than most days," Beca was being completely truthful, most days she just sat around the apartment. On the worst days she just stayed in bed all day, sometimes crying, sometimes just sleeping. On better ones she watched TV, actually talked to Aubrey and occasionally even cooked. Her best days though, those were the days she was actually feeling okay enough to go out, and surprisingly the days when she felt strong enough to talk about Chloe. Aubrey was still the only person she talked to Chloe about, but being able to actually talk about her made Beca realize maybe one day, she'd be okay without her, as long as she could still remember her.

" _What do you love most about me?" Beca asked one night over dinner. They were having Chinese take out again, and Beca had been thinking about how cute Chloe looked trying to use the chopsticks. She loved everything about the red head, but she often wondered what Chloe liked about her. "I love everything about you," Chloe smiled softly, brushing her red locks out of her eyes. "The thing I love the most though is that you know me so well, and you remember the things I care most about. You remember things about me, and I love that." It was true, every time Chloe revealed something about herself Beca would take mental note of it, like it was the most important thing she'd ever heard. She remembered that her favourite colour was purple, that her favourite scent was lavender, that she hated scary movies, that she preferred chips to popcorn, that she loved rain and the scent of freshly mowed grass. She remembered every detail about Chloe, she always would._

Walking back to the apartment it started to rain. Rain always gave Beca a small pang in her chest. It was the thing that reminded her most of Chloe. Everything else was generic enough not to be a constant reminder of her loss, but anytime it rained it was like the universe was coaxing her to join her in its flood. Tears streamed down Beca's face as she walked, it was strange how different tears felt than water droplets. She could tell the difference with every drop of heart break.

"I made dinner," Aubrey announced as the brunette walked over the thresh hold. They had been eating mostly take out for weeks, neither of them having much desire to do something they didn't enjoy prior to their descent into this extreme emotional state. Aubrey though, had been trying to keep it together, for Beca's sake, for her own, Beca didn't know or care but it was welcome. She did domestic things like cook, clean the apartment, do the laundry hers and Beca's, and make sure the bills were paid. It was as useful as much as it was a great distraction for the blonde. Every moment she was doing something else was another moment she wasn't thinking about much she'd like to talk to Chloe.

When she saw Beca's tear stained face she just wrapped her arm around her and led her to the couch. It was another day that Beca needed to cry on her shoulder, and she was happy to provide it. This wasn't easy on either of them, this whole living without the person that made you feel the most alive thing. It sucked, and if Aubrey could make it suck a little less for Beca she wanted to do that. She wanted to do whatever she could to make both of them feel just a little bit better.

" _Shhh, its okay, its okay, its okay," Aubrey was repeating herself, but there was nothing else she could say. It was Valentine's Day, the day of Chloe's funeral. Everyone else was gone but Beca was still sitting in the rain, sobbing. It had hit her hard; Chloe was actually gone, forever. Aubrey didn't really believe the words she was saying, she just said what she wanted to hear. She wanted someone to tell her that it was okay, that it was going to be okay, even if it wasn't. Nothing was okay, Chloe was gone, and that wasn't okay but her words seemed to soothe Beca. She stopped sobbing long enough to get up and get in the car. Back at the apartment she just collapsed. Nothing was okay._

"Can I sleep in your room tonight?" Beca asked later, after she had choked down some of Aubrey's cooking, and sat through some reality show or another. She didn't know if she could handle Chloe's room tonight. It was empty now, Chloe's stuff sat all around in boxes, waiting to be removed. The scent of lavender was long since gone from the pillow. Somehow the room was worse without all these reminders of the girl she loved.

Aubrey just nodded.

" _Sleep here, with me tonight?" Chloe asked, smiling. Beca always returned to her dorm room after their dates, usually because she had an early class or because she didn't think Aubrey would appreciate her presence in the morning. Chloe sometimes seemed like she wanted Beca to stay, but she had never asked before. "Gladly," Beca smiled back at her, climbing under the covers and snuggling in close to the red head. It was much better than sleeping alone._

**  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you again to everyone who is reading. As always, feedback is greatly appreciated. If you love it, you hate it, you want to throw bricks at me for making you cry, I want to know. So to everyone who is following this, hi, and I hope you will enjoy what I have planned for the rest of this story.

**Chapter 4**

_Dear Diary, I think I'm falling in love with Beca. You know Beca, the one I wrote about before. Insanely cute, cool ear piercings, funny, well more sarcastic but I think it's funny. Aubrey still thinks she's too alternative or whatever, but I think she's great. Aubrey would really like her too, if she got to know her. She's sweet really, and when we're alone she does things you'd never expect. Today she brought me flowers, daisies, my favourite kind. Then we watched some cheesy rom-coms, she says they're lame but I always catch her smiling. I love everything about her, and I think she might feel the same. I'll tell her soon, I think, I kind of don't want to scare her away._

Beca tossed the leather bound book onto the floor. She never read more than one entry a day, having another one to read tomorrow always served as a good reason to get up in the morning. She hadn't cracked the book open immediately upon finding it, she was unsure that she was ready to read what its pages held. This particular entry was dated just a few days before Chloe and Beca said I love for the first time. Beca never knew that Chloe kept a diary actually, but it was actually really cute that she kind of talked to her diary, like you always see in movies. The entries were all nauseatingly cute really, Chloe gushing about this or that, talking about the Bellas, or something she did with Aubrey or Beca. Beca always found herself laughing at the entries. It had been almost six months and she could actually laugh about Chloe again.

It was August, the harsh sun and heat beating down on Beca as she walked back to her car. Her father bought her another one, not that she asked for it. She told him she didn't need it, didn't want one and to keep his money. Really, she just didn't want a huge, physical, every day reminder of her loss. Still though, he insisted, buying her another Civic to replace the one that had been totalled. It was useful, she went out more now, now that she was actually living. Walking groceries back to the apartment wasn't exactly a picnic, and she still had her job at the radio stations which required working nights. The last thing her father or Aubrey would ever let her do was walk back to the apartment alone at night. He or Aubrey had given her a ride home every night with no complaint, but having her own car again meant not having to bother them. Really she needed the car, as much as she still kind of hated it.

" _This is my jam," Chloe said cheerfully, turning up the radio in the beat up Honda. "Everything is your jam," Beca teased. It was true, every song that came on the radio was either Chloe's jam, or her song, or she loves this track. That was Chloe though, Chloe loved everything and everyone. She was easy to please, that was for sure. She once told Beca she loved plain rice, just because it was the only thing Beca knew how to cook._

"Hey, how was Barden, still there?" Aubrey asked as Beca appeared in the door way. Beca had gone to the school to register for courses for the fall semester. She had done all the necessary paper work in order to take a semester off, and now she had to pick classes again. At least a do over of her second year meant she had a chance to get out of classes she had hated anyway. No Philosophy, and maybe she would actually take her father's comparative literature class, how bad could it be to read a bunch of books.

"Still there, and I actually ran into Kimmy Jin," Beca laughed. Apparently her former roommate was taking summer classes to get ahead. "She said sorry, and asked if I was coming back. She sounded like she kind of missed me." The two women laughed, remembering what they thought was the other girl's disdain for Beca. Aubrey always used to tell Chloe that she'd like to meet this Kimmy Jin girl because she clearly had the right idea about Beca.

" _Oh hi Kimmy Jin," Chloe said sweetly. "Beca's not here," the girl offered, emotionless. "Do you mind if I wait then, we're supposed to go out later?" Kimmy Jin just left the door open and sat back down at her computer. The red head closed the door gently and sat on Beca's bed. She was trying to decide if it would be better to try and make small talk or just sit in silence. It was uncharacteristic for Chloe, but she chose silence. It seemed like hours, but Beca eventually returned and they went out on their date. All Beca could do was laugh when Chloe recounted her meeting with Kimmy Jin. Even Chloe, who could probably hold a solid conversation with a mute couldn't even hold a conversation with her caustic roommate for five minutes._

"Do you want to do something tonight?" Aubrey asked, unsure as to what Beca's reaction would be.

"Do something, as in go out, to like a bar or something?" Beca raised an eyebow.

"Yeah, its Friday night. I thought we could go out and do something fun, maybe with the Bellas. Most of them are back in town already, and we haven't been out in..." Aubrey stopped herself, not finishing her thought.

They hadn't been out since that stupid party, the last place either of them had seen Chloe alive. She hadn't seen the Bellas in a while either. She had ditched them six months ago, and hadn't kept in touch. Obviously Aubrey had or she wouldn't be asking this right now. The Bellas understood why Beca left, why Beca had to leave them, why she couldn't continue trying to lead them to their second ICCA victory. They still made it to the finals, but they didn't win, The Trebles won yet again. None of their hearts were really in it after losing Chloe, and then Beca.

" _You girls sound so great!" Chloe chirped. She had made it a habit to stop by Bellas rehearsals to give the girls a pep talk every now and again. She may not be a Bella anymore but she still wanted to see them kick some Treble butt. She would come early to pick Beca up, and occasionally even give pointers or help with choreography. Sometimes she even brought Aubrey around and it was like old times. She and Aubrey attended every competition, sitting in the front row to cheer them on. It was nice really, being together again like that. The original new Bellas would always be the best group of Bellas, that's what Chloe thought anyway._

"Did you already tell them we would come?"

"Yeah, maybe, but you don't have to, I just thought you might like to since you'll be going back to school soon and maybe rejoining the Bellas."

Aubrey wasn't sure about that last part, she wasn't sure Beca could rejoin the Bellas. The Bellas were her thing with Chloe. It was how she met Chloe, how she became friends with Chloe, how she fell in love with Chloe, it was even who she was planning on spending her first Valentine's Day with Chloe with. They were all going to have dates and go out somewhere fancy together. Beca was even planning it as a surprise for Chloe. They could go out to dinner for two anytime, Beca figured Chloe would love to spend the evening with all the girls she loved, and then they could have alone time later. Chloe really would have loved that Aubrey thought, getting to share her love with all the Bellas. Chloe loved grand gestures, and for Beca, organizing something like that was a grand gesture. They did end up spending Valentine's Day with the Bellas, in perhaps the most tragic scenario Aubrey could imagine.

"No, I'll come. I'd like to go out, and I want to see them," Beca was surprised in herself; she wasn't even lying to appease the blonde.

The met at what was the girl's favourite restaurant, Chloe's favourite restaurant actually. They could never decide on a place to go, and Chloe had always been persuasive. After the first time they went, they never went anywhere else. Good food, good company and drinks, tonight probably wouldn't be so bad. It was weird, seeing them all after so long, she hadn't even told them she wasn't coming back in person. Two weeks after Chloe's death she sent them all a mass text that just said sorry, I can't. No one replied, no one really knew what to say. What do you say to someone whose girlfriend's life was cut so tragically short, all of the sudden? If there was an appropriate response, none of the Bellas could find it.

There were hugs all around, awkward hugs but hugs all the same. The girls kept it light, just asking how she was, and what classes she was going to take. All of them would be going into their third year at Barden and Beca would be on year two and a half. Maybe she'd take classes in the summer like Kimmy Jin, to make up for what she missed. Graduating alongside her favourite girls just seemed right to Beca, even if everything else in her life was all wrong.

"Haven't seen you ladies in a while," their favourite waitress greeted them with a big smile, "you're missing the bubbly red head though."

Cynthia Rose shook her head lightly at the woman, indicating that she should come back later.

"Its fine," Beca started, "Really. People bring her up, not all the time but they do and its fine. She lived, she was wonderful, people remember her and I'm glad. It would be worse if no one ever thought of her, if people forgot her and never talked about her. I can talk about her; I want to talk about her."

Beca's voice was calm, not a tear in sight. It had taken her a while to get to this point, it wasn't as if she never cried anymore, but she no longer cried at every mention of her girlfriend, every reminder. Some reminders had even come to be welcome. Like the scent of lavender, Beca loved that smell again, the way she always had when Chloe was alive. Now she even loved the rain, it reminded her that she was alive and that she shouldn't waste it. It still hurt to miss Chloe, but it didn't hurt to be reminded of her, not every time anyway.

" _That was my grandfather's," Chloe said, pointing to the pocket watch Beca was now admiring in her palm. "My father gave it to me when he passed, to remind me." "Doesn't it make you sad," Beca inquired, genuinely curious. She had never lost someone close to her, but she always assumed a constant reminder of the person would just serve to make you depressed. "No, I like to remember him. He was awesome, and I'd hate to lose those memories. It hurt for a while after he passed, but now I keep it close." It was sweet, that Chloe wanted to remember her grandfather. The stories she had told Beca about him made him sound really cool, how could he not be though, he was related to Chloe._

After a few hours of food, and catching up Beca was ready to go. She had enjoyed seeing the Bellas, but now she just really wanted to curl up, maybe watch TV or read or something. Going out had never really been her thing anyway, even when she was with Chloe. She and Aubrey had learned over the last few months to communicate well without words. It was out of necessity at first, neither one really being capable of verbalizing their feelings. Sometimes they could talk, sometimes words didn't come, and when they didn't, they still knew how the other was feeling. Aubrey could tell that Beca wanted to get out of there, so she rose, told the Bellas how lovely it had been to see them and that they should do this again sometime.

Once they were back in the apartment, Beca turned on the TV, flipped through the channels and settled on an already started rom-com. It was the part where the couple has the big fight, where the big issue to be resolved finally drives a wedge between them. This used to be Beca's favourite part; it was predictable and usually hilarious. She would go on and on about how stupid they both were, about how it was an obvious miscommunication. Now though, her favourite part was the same as Chloe's favourite part, Aubrey's favourite part, the sappy, predictable, happy endings. Jesse was right, endings were the best part.

The weeks went on mostly the same as this. Beca started classes, they were fine. She rejoined the Bellas, that was fine. She sat and watched romantic comedies, and that too was fine. Everything in Beca's life was fine, Beca's life used to be awesome, now it was fine. It was funny, how much love could change you, make everything, even the mundane so much better. Classes were better when Beca knew she could count on a visit from Chloe afterwards. Bellas' rehearsals were better when Chloe showed up and offered a helping hand. Even romantic comedies were better when Chloe was squealing over the ending. Aubrey rarely offered the same enthusiasm for them anymore that Beca recalled she used to.

Aubrey went to work, she occasionally went out with Beca and Bellas, and she watched TV and movies at night. Just like Beca, all of this was fine. Much like love makes everything better, so does having a best friend. At the moment Aubrey had neither love, nor her best friend. She had Beca though, and that was almost like having a best friend again. Well, it was having a best friend again. If there was any word that could describe her relationship with Beca, it was best friend. They were there for each other like no one else could be, like no one else knew how to be. They understood what the other person was going through, and they knew exactly what the other one needed. When Aubrey needed to talk, Beca was there. When Beca couldn't talk, Aubrey understood. Beca wasn't sure how she would have made it through the last eight months if it wasn't for Aubrey, if she would have made it through.

Eight months; it had now been eight months since the worst night of Beca's life. Chloe had now been gone for as long as she and Beca had been together, soon she will have been gone longer. There was a cruel sadness to this that ate away at Beca. Eventually Chloe will have been dead for longer than Beca had the pleasure of knowing her. That made her skin crawl, her blood boil, her smile fade. Meeting Chloe, knowing Chloe, being with Chloe was the best thing that ever happened to Beca and the fact that their time together was becoming so distant hurt.

" _How many years will you love me?" Chloe asked, smiling sweetly as she lay on her bed. "All of them, I will always love you." Sure it was a Whitney Houston song, but it was also how she felt. She couldn't imagine ever not loving Chloe._

"Beca, a movie with Hugh Grant is starting in 5 mins," Aubrey called across the apartment, "we both know you're just pretending when you say you don't really get the appeal."

A movie with Hugh Grant, Beca could go for that, she really was just pretending when she said she didn't get the appeal. Beca made her way to the living room, hunkering down next to Aubrey and stealing some of her blanket. It was the warmest, fluffiest one they had, Beca's favourite. Chloe always hated this blanket because it left fluff on her clothes, but it was so warm that Beca never cared.

"Which one is this?" Beca asked, surprising herself with the sincerity of the question.

"The one where he falls in love with Drew Barrymore," Aubrey replied, after checking the guide.

 _Music & Lyrics _Beca thought, appropriate. Forget French Beca thought, music was most definitely the language of love. There was a song for everything, and plenty of love songs; songs about love, songs to fall in love to, songs that reminded you of your love, music was love.

" _I bet they fall in love at the end," Beca teased. It was their first time watching this particular romantic comedy, but she was fairly certain it would be just like the rest. "This one has music though, and Hugh Grant," Chloe whined. "I don't really get his appeal, but I'll watch it anyway. Drew is pretty cool." By the end Chloe was tearing up, she always did. "See how the music brought them together, music always brings people together." Beca couldn't really disagree; music did have a powerful effect._

"I actually really like the songs in this one," Beca admitted, she knew she didn't have to worry about Aubrey laughing at her or telling anyone.

"All I wanna do is find my way back into love," Aubrey sang along with the film, she had probably seen this one fifteen times before. Aubrey definitely did see the appeal of Hugh Grant.

Beca couldn't help but notice the way music still made Aubrey light up. Even on her worst days, her saddest days, the days she missed Chloe the most Aubrey would always light up if you played her some music. She didn't know what came over her, and before she could even think about it, it was over. Beca leaned over and kissed the other woman on the lips, it was over as quickly as it began. Aubrey pushed her off roughly.

"Beca don't, don't do something you don't mean, something you don't want, just because you miss her or something. I'm already messed up enough, I don't need you to mess with my feelings too" Aubrey's words were cold and harsh. She was in shock really, Beca had kissed her and she didn't know why. Confusion, pain, sleep deprivation, any combination thereof. Aubrey had no idea.

" _Only kiss her if you mean it," Aubrey warned, "there's nothing worse than kissing someone without any further intentions." Chloe had confessed to her one day after rehearsal about wanting to kiss Beca. She didn't know how the kiss would be received and wanted a second opinion. As much as Aubrey didn't really care for Beca, she was Chloe's go to person, of course she was the person she'd go to. "I definitely mean it," Chloe smiled, "and I have lots of further intentions with Beca."_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Another big thank you for everyone who is following and reading this story. As always feedback is always appreciated. Hope you enjoy this update, and I look forward to sharing the rest of the story with you all in the coming days.

**Chapter 5**

Aubrey was out on a date, again, for the third time this week. The same guy as last night, or not, maybe it was a different guy. Beca didn't know, or care, it's not like any of them were keepers. Aubrey hadn't been home for more than one night a week for the entire month. She wasn't there for dinner; she wasn't there to watch their favourite TV shows, and most of all she wasn't there for Beca to talk to. She had been there, all the time, no matter what for so long and now she just wasn't. They hadn't really talked, not more than a cursory "hey, how was work" in a month. A month, that's how long it had been since Beca had kissed Aubrey.

She ended up just sleeping on the couch that night, not wanting to go back to her room, to Chloe's room, and certainly not welcome to climb in with Aubrey. The blonde had made it very clear that Beca's advances were unwelcome, and also very clear that she had nothing more to say on the subject. She should have known, it was stupid, kissing Aubrey. Aubrey barely tolerated Beca, and the only reason they had gotten so close was because Chloe died, her girlfriend died, Aubrey's best friend died. Still, as stupid as it may have been, Beca wanted to talk about it, she needed to talk about it; she needed to talk to Aubrey. Aubrey being out every night with some random, that didn't work for Beca, Aubrey was her person to talk to and without her, she had no one.

" _Aubrey has the worst taste in men, she always goes for the ones that treat her terribly and only want her for sex. She's such a good person, she deserves so much better," Chloe was ranting out loud again, Beca just listened. She was well versed in Aubrey's dating habits, one boyfriend never lasted more than six months, and it almost always ended because he cheated on her, or said something particularly awful. "You know her last good relationship was probably in high school, a boy named Andy. I'm not saying he was her soul mate, but he was certainly sweeter to her than any of her current conquests are." Chloe was tired of seeing her best friend hurt over and over and over. "It's because she's so afraid of rejection you know," Chloe went on, "she knows these guys will go for her, of course they will, she's gorgeous. If she just opened herself up, maybe she'd actually find someone who'd want her for her. You know she's sweet, caring and actually really funny, you just have to get to know Aubrey."_

It was Friday night, Beca could go out; she could call one of the Bellas, or all of them and see what they were up to. She saw them mostly at rehearsals, Cynthia Rose helped her co-captain so the entire burden wasn't on her to get them performance ready. Their rehearsals were going well, Beca was actually glad to see they hadn't fallen apart when she abandoned them last year. Regionals were coming up and they had a pretty cool number prepared, and from what she heard the Treblemakers didn't. Being team captain didn't come as easily to Jesse as it had to Bumper, or Aubrey or even Beca. He struggled to come up with ideas everybody liked, and most of the original Trebles were now gone. The new crop was decent, but nowhere near the calibre of the guys who had beaten the Bellas time and time again.

_Dear diary, Beca is doing such a good job with the Bellas. Honestly, I had my doubts about how serious they would be after Aubrey and I left, but they're doing awesome. They were so good at Regionals. Beca mashed up, "Call Me Maybe," "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together," "Where Have You Been" and "Part of Me." An awesome homage to current pop music, and also a nod to Aubrey's policy of only doing songs made famous by women. Beca told me one time that while our set list needed a total makeover, she actually liked Aubrey's commitment to women in music. I can't wait to see them at their next competition. It would be nice to see the Bellas become ICCA champions for the second year in a row._

It was after midnight but Beca was still up, sitting on the couch, channel flipping as usual. Tonight she was really into infomercials, the one for the Magic Bullet was just so captivating, almost like its own show. She heard the keys in the lock and knew Aubrey was back from her date. Beca just kept her eyes on the TV; as usual Aubrey wouldn't want to talk to her anyway.

"What a douchebag," Aubrey scoffed as she walked through the door.

Beca raised her eyebrow at the blonde who made a bee line for the couch.

"This one was by far the worst. I don't think I've ever heard so much self-praise come from one man, and I spent an inordinate amount of time around Bumper. He wasn't even that hot either."

"Seriously; Aubrey, you don't talk to me for weeks and this is what you want to talk to me about, what an asshole your date was. News flash, all of your dates are assholes," Beca spat. She was angry that this is what Aubrey would choose to do, ignore her for the better part of a month and then sit down next to her and whine about another douchebag.

"Fine Beca, what do you want to talk about?" Aubrey wasn't stupid, she knew exactly what Beca wanted to talk about but she was going to make her say it.

"How about the fact that I kissed you and you didn't say anything?"

"I did say something Beca, I told you not to do something you didn't mean. I told you not to kiss me because you were sad and messed up about Chloe. You talk so much about how I don't deserve the crap from the guys I date, but I certainly don't deserve that crap from you."

"Good job Aubrey, jumping to conclusions about me as always. You didn't even bother to ask me why I kissed you. Did you ever think that maybe I kissed you because I wanted to?"

Aubrey scoffed, "Beca don't do this; don't make this more than it was. We've been there for each other this whole time. We've been there to hold each other's hand, talk each other through the worst days, and just to be there when nothing else helps. Don't mistake gratitude for anything more Beca."

Beca took a moment to digest her friends' words. It was true; the two of them had been there for each other through all the crap that the last nine months had meant. All the tears, the nightmares, the sleepless nights, the screaming, the anger, all of the feelings they'd had, they felt them together. Was it possible that Beca was just confused, and about to do serious damage to her friendship? Beca wasn't so sure, she had felt gratitude before, she knew what it felt like to appreciate someone being there for you. That was different, and she didn't think that was all this was.

" _Beca, it'll be okay, don't cry." Her best friend wrapped her arms around her and tried her best to make her feel better. Her father had just walked out on her family and her whole world was crashing in around her. There wasn't much that could make her feel better, but in any case she would be there for Beca. Beca had been there for her in the past and now she would be her shoulder to cry on. They grew apart at some point after starting high school, but her best friend Layla had gotten her through those first few months of her parents' divorce. They would talk for hours, about anything or nothing. She was there through all the tears, the anger, the heart break of it all, she was there for Beca when she needed it most and Beca couldn't be more grateful._

"Aubrey if you're not interested in me, just say so. It's not that hard, and it's not that surprising. I don't know why I thought you might be in the first place."

At this point Aubrey burst out laughing, Beca just rolled her eyes. Of course this was funny to her. Beca, Beca the weird alternative girl with the piercings, the one who Aubrey constantly butted heads with, Beca liked her. That was obviously hilarious to Aubrey, of course it was.

"I'm going to bed," Beca said, dejected.

"Wait…." Aubrey smiled, "stay. I'm sorry."

"It's just, its so ridiculous. Its so painfully ridiculous that I can't even believe it. Do you know how long I've wanted to kiss you?"

Beca's jaw dropped, she didn't have an answer but thankfully the question was rhetorical. Aubrey picked up where she left off just seconds later.

"Since that ridiculous audition you did with the plastic cup. Yeah, that's right. Uptight, crazy bitch Aubrey had a crush on the girl who she constantly fought with. How fucking trite is that?"

Beca still had no words; the revelation that Aubrey not only wanted to kiss her but actually liked her was not at all what she had been expecting from tonight. Beca for the most part during her first year with the Bellas was fairly certain that Aubrey hated her guts, to hear the opposite was a definitely a shock.

Aubrey kept going, "I didn't like girls though, I couldn't, or at least that's what I told myself every day. This is where the string of douchebags comes in, could I be anymore cliché? The girl that can't face her own feelings consoles herself by sleeping with guys who don't respect her, and don't care about her. Chloe just thought I had bad taste, really I was just stupid and afraid."

"Aubrey, I'm…I didn't know…" Beca stumbled over her words, trying to get out some semblance of a coherent thought.

"Of course you didn't, how could you? You're not a damn psychic. I treated you and everyone else like crap, that doesn't exactly scream hey, I'd really like to kiss you. It didn't matter though, because then Chloe, my best friend, my favourite person in the world Chloe told me that she liked you."

" _What do you think of Beca?" Chloe asked over lunch one afternoon, "I mean I know you don't really care for her, but she's not that bad right?" Aubrey just rolled her eyes and stabbed a few more leaves of lettuce with her fork. "Come on Aubrey, I really need some advice here," the red head was using her puppy dog eyes now. "Why would you need advice about Beca?" she asked, finally caving. "I like her, as in like her like her. As in I want to kiss you and take you out on a date and sit around with my fingers in your hair making…" "Okay, I get," Aubrey stopped her. Chloe liked Beca, of course Chloe liked Beca. If Chloe liked Beca, that meant Aubrey couldn't like Beca, not anymore. "She's fine, and anyone would be crazy not to like you," Aubrey smiled, there was a twinge of sadness hidden behind it, but Chloe probably didn't notice._

"I would have never done anything to hurt Chloe you know, and if Chloe liked you than of course I was going to let her have you. I just wanted her to be happy, Chloe deserved to be happy. She was the best person I ever knew and she'd do anything for anyone. Getting in the way of her happiness, I never would have done that, even if I did have the guts to face my own feelings," Aubrey finished, talking a deep breath and gauging Beca's reaction.

"I don't even know what to say," was all Beca could muster.

"That's why I never stayed to watch TV or movies with you guys, why I always told you to cut out the mushy crap, why I kept basically ignoring you, even after you helped us win the ICCAs. It hurt too much to see you with her. She was so happy and I loved that, but I still couldn't shake my feelings for you."

" _Aubrey, come watch with us, its one of your favourites, Hugh Dancy is in it," Chloe teased. "No thank you, I'll be in my room," it was curt, and to the point, all Aubrey could offer. Chloe untangled herself from the blanket she had been sharing with Beca and followed her friend into her room. "You could at least make an effort you know, she is my girlfriend, it would be nice if my girlfriend and my best friend could get along. You're my two favourite people you know, I love you," Chloe smiled sadly. "I just have stuff to do, and I've already seen that one. I'll hang out with you and Beca some other time," Aubrey lied; she would continue to avoid hanging out alone with Beca and Chloe at all costs. "Okay, well, I'm going to go back to Beca, talk later?" "Yeah, fine, enjoy the movie; it is one of my favourites."_

Beca felt terrible now, she just assumed Aubrey was a cold, bitch, not that she had actual human emotions and was hurting. She didn't know Aubrey well though, not then, she never could have known. How could Chloe though, her best friend never have realized Aubrey's feelings. Was she really that good at hiding them, had nothing ever slipped? Beca's own crush on Chloe had been so blatantly obvious to everyone and their dog, as had Chloe's on her. Everyone knew, it was the worst kept secret among the Bellas.

" _Beca, stop drooling, you're going to need a bucket soon," Stacie joked. "Yeah Beca, your toner for Red is blatantly obvious, we can see it through those jeans," Amy turned Aubrey's famous line on its head. "Just make out already and get it over with, we all know its going to happen," Cynthia Rose had now chimed in. Everyone went silent once Aubrey and Chloe showed up to start practice though, no more talk of drooling or toners or crushes. Beca was glad, as obvious as her feelings might be, she still wasn't sure Chloe felt the same and she wasn't ready for rejection, not yet._

"I'm sorry Aubrey, you should have said something," Beca offered, not wanting to allow the situation to lull into an awkward silence.

"Why? Why should I have said something?" Aubrey now sounded upset, her voice had been even before now it was sad.

Beca didn't have an answer, she had said it for something to say but now found herself regretting it.

"Tell me Beca, if I had told you, if I had come to you and told you that I liked you, what would you have done about it? Would you have ever picked me over Chloe?" Aubrey knew the answer to this already, but she wanted to hear Beca say it.

Beca hesitated, but figured avoiding the question at this point wasn't a valid option. "No," she said simply. It was the truth, the thing Aubrey so desperately wanted to hear.

"Exactly, you loved Chloe, Chloe loved you and now everything is so much more complicated than before."

"Aubrey…"

"No Beca. Can we just pretend this never happened? It's too hard okay. I care about you, and I want to continue being there for you. You are my best friend, but I've been doing a crap job at being yours this month and I'm sorry."

There was no sense in pressing the issue; Aubrey obviously didn't want to talk about it anymore. At least her admission probably meant she wouldn't be playing douchebag roulette anymore, not for the time being.

"Yeah, we can drop it. Do you want to watch something with Hugh Dancy in it?" Beca smiled and offered up the spot under the blanket with her.

"Always," Aubrey smiled back, kicking off her shoes and settling in on the couch.

This was fine; this was what Beca needed anyway, her friend. Aubrey's friendship meant the world to Beca and she wouldn't dream of doing anything to jeopardize that. Besides, it's not as if she was ready to offer someone much romantically right now anyway. She still wore the engraved heart necklace every day; she still read Chloe's diary entries, and she still cried whenever she smelled hazelnut coffee. She would move on, of course she would, maybe not just yet.

" _That stuff smells deceivingly good," Beca remarked, referring to the hazelnut creamer Chloe liked in her coffee. "It is good," the red head smiled. "Its gross, actually, but still, it smells delicious." Beca hated the stuff, its smell had gotten her to try it in her own drink one day, but it was almost immediately spit all over the counter. Chloe liked it though, so Beca always bought her more when she ran out. Anytime she smelt hazelnut and coffee when she was out, it offered a fond reminder of her favourite red head._

The next day Beca made her way to Barden, it was Saturday but there was someone on campus she wanted to see.

"Beca," Jesse said shocked as he opened the door to his dorm room. He was still living on campus, and by the looks of the Star Wars display in the corner, he was still rooming with Benji.

"Hey, sorry to just drop by like this, I guess I just, needed someone to talk to," it was true, Beca wanted someone to talk to but none of the Bellas, or her father seemed appropriate for the topic. They wouldn't understand and she and Jesse had been very close friends before Chloe's death. He was just another one of the people that Beca pushed away when she lost Chloe. They had broken up amicable a month after the ICCAs, and they had remained close ever since. Whenever she wasn't spending time with Chloe, she had been spending it with Jesse. The last time she had seen him was Chloe's funeral. She had been back at Barden for a few months, but their paths had yet to cross. She hoped he was still as good to talk to as he had been when she confessed to him her crush on Chloe.

"Its fine, I'm glad to see you. Want to go out for coffee?" Jesse asked, smiling. He was relieved to see her out and about. He knew all about her semester off, leaving the Bellas, moving off campus and of her return. He figured if she wanted to see him, she'd find her way back at some point. He would never begrudge her for ditching him, she had her reasons. He always planned to leave his door open if she ever wanted to come in again, and he was glad she did.

Over coffee Beca started slowly, just catching up, chatting idly about classes and how she's been. She wasn't really there to discuss her grief over Chloe, she had done enough of that over the last nine months. Besides, Aubrey was still the only person she really enjoyed talking to about Chloe. She finally got to the last few weeks, and to her kiss with Aubrey. This is what she wanted to talk to him about.

"I'm not surprised," Jesse admitted, causing Beca to scoff.

"Seriously," he continued, "I guess you never saw the way she looked at you. It was the same way I looked at you, the same way Chloe looked at you, but no one ever really stopped to notice her. Her own fault, I mean she didn't exactly send out welcoming vibes, but still, if you were looking you could see it."

"So why do you think she doesn't want to do anything about it now?" she asked seriously, "do you think it's just because of Chloe, I mean not that's not a valid reason, it is, it is for me anyway."

"Beca, do you know what it feels like to be someone's second choice?" his tone was solemn, now speaking from experience.

She did actually; know what it was like to be someone's second choice. She had been her father's second choice for so long, she was her mother's second choice every time she had another date, and she had probably been a lot of people's second, or more likely their last choice in high school. It sucked. Even though she didn't know any better, she had still hurt Aubrey. Nobody liked being anyone's second choice; the person you only lean on when the person you really want isn't there.

" _You like her, that red head in the Bellas, Chloe?" Jesse asked sadly. "Yeah, I like her a lot actually. She's so…" Beca stopped herself, seeing the hurt in her friends' eyes. Their break up had been mutual, but it was obvious he still liked her. They still hung out all the time, but knowing it couldn't be anything more because Beca liked someone else hurt. Of course it hurt, she was head over heels, but not for him._


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to. It's not like its important or anything," Aubrey offered sadly.

The blonde was starting to put up Christmas decorations in the apartment. She had run it by Beca first, who agreed but she could see now that it was just making her feel worse. Beca had been in a good place, things with the Bellas were going great, she loved her classes and she was even starting to hang out with friends on a regular basis again. The arrival of the holidays thought had seen Beca's mood do a 180, almost right back to the place she was ten months ago. Chloe had loved Christmas, like loved Christmas in the wear ugly Christmas sweaters, bake and sing carols kind of way. Last year was their first Christmas together, and she had really gotten Beca into the holiday spirit. Beca even wore an ugly sweater to Chloe's parents' house on Christmas.

" _Come on sweetie, it'll be fun. We'll put on all the little decorations and have hot chocolate with marshmallows and cuddle," Chloe urged, smiling that smile that Beca couldn't resist. "You're lucky I love marshmallows," Beca teased, grabbing a box of bulbs and starting to decorate the tree. "And me," Chloe wrapped her arms around her girlfriend's waist and kissed her neck. As promised once every inch of the tree in the apartment was decorated, Chloe made hot chocolate with those delicious little marshmallows. "So, which will it be, Rudolph or Frosty?" Beca asked, taking a seat on the couch. "You mean you actually want to watch them?" the red head's face lit up. "What else are we supposed to cuddle to?" the brunette smirked. "Both."_

"No, its fine," Beca sighed, "I'm just not really in the holiday mood."

"Me neither, not really," Aubrey chucked the decorations on the floor and took a seat next to Beca on the couch. "Are there any Christmas slasher movies?"

The decorations never ended up getting hung, nor did the tree get put up; not this year. Beca figured a tree would look pretty sad with just two presents under it anyway. The ten minutes Beca was actually in the holiday spirit this year were spent picking out Aubrey's gift. It shocked her when she was driving home from Barden one afternoon and she actually decided to stop at the mall. Beca hated the mall on a regular day, but especially so at Christmas. The most wonderful time of the year my ass Beca thought, everyone is so much ruder around the holidays, especially at the mall. Still though, she figured she needed to get Aubrey something. The only reason she wasn't a complete and utter mess still was because of Aubrey; the girl deserved something special.

" _Oh, Aubrey will love this!" Chloe squealed. She had dragged Beca to the mall to pick out gifts for all of the Bellas. It was an admittedly nice watch; of course Aubrey would love a watch. "Yeah, just sign my name to the card." Beca wandered around outside the store as Chloe paid, looking in shop windows and just killing time. Then she saw it, the sweater Chloe had mentioned wanting a few weeks ago. It was gorgeous, and she would love it but it was expensive. Luckily for Beca, Luke was apparently really into the holidays and had taken a ton of time off from the station. Since she was the only one he trusted, that meant more shifts and more money for her. Beca slipped in quickly, and then made an effort to hide the bag between the others she was carrying for her girlfriend. The smile on Chloe's face when she opened it would be totally worth it._

"I don't know if I can handle it Aubrey, I mean they're her family," Beca voice was deep with sadness. Chloe's father had called Aubrey earlier that day to invite the girls to their house for Christmas. He knew if they didn't come over, they wouldn't go anywhere. It was true, Beca didn't enjoy spending time with her family on a regular basis so her first Christmas without Chloe would most definitely be spent avoiding them. Aubrey just told her parents she had plans and couldn't come, although she was sure they didn't care either way. Their Christmas was going to be spent just eating Chinese take-out and avoiding the holiday altogether, they were even going to take in a movie. Beca said she always wanted to see who actually went to Christmas day releases, and there were even some pretty good ones this year. Escapism was exactly what Beca wanted this year.

It was Chloe's father though. Chloe's father, who had held them, offered a shoulder to cry on, made sure they were eating, sent them care packages, and checked in on them often enough that they knew he cared, but not so often that it was annoying. They had been there for each other, but he had been there for them both. They couldn't very well say no to the man, especially not on his first Christmas without his beloved daughter.

"I'm not going to force you to do anything Beca, but we should go."

"I know."

On Christmas Eve they bundled up and got into Aubrey's car. Beca fiddled with the radio dial for a few minutes. "Christmas music on every station," she whined.

"There's CDs under there," the blonde pointed. Beca just smirked. Aubrey's music taste hadn't changed.

"What's the burned one?" Beca asked, it wasn't labelled, and it had to be better than of Aubrey's other offerings.

"Just a mix CD, I think it was Chloe's actually," Aubrey smiled. Small reminders of Chloe always made Aubrey smile, now anyway.

Beca popped the CD into the changer. It was filled with what Beca could only guess were songs that reminded Chloe of Aubrey, songs they loved, and songs that defined their friendship. Cute really, and a habit Beca didn't know she and Chloe had in common. Aubrey sang along with every single track. She had listened to one a lot, obviously. Not since the accident though. That particular CD had sat untouched for ten months, Aubrey never having had the strength to pop it in herself. She didn't know what it would feel like to listen to it again, but it was nice.

" _I made you something," Chloe announced one afternoon, popping a CD into the player in Aubrey's car. "It's a mix tape, sort of, but not a tape. It's a friendship mix." Chloe was such a cheese ball, even Aubrey thought so sometimes. This was so one of those times, but Aubrey loved her even so. "I love it, thank you," she smiled. They listened to it all the way to Chloe's parents' house; they were on a summer road trip and were making a requested pit stop. "This one is so old," Aubrey remarked. "It was our favourite, in like sixth grade." They talked about every song, what it meant to them, the first time they heard it. There were a few tracks that Aubrey requested an explanation of, Chloe more than happy to oblige. It was the perfect road trip mix._

"Aubrey, Beca!" Mr. Beale cheered when he opened the door, enveloping them in a hug. His hugs, they were so much like Chloe's, always warm and inviting. Beca was surprised at first, by how well Chloe's father could keep it together. The way Chloe always told it she was the apple of her father's eye; they were as close as close can be. He was the family's rock though. If he didn't keep it together, no one would. Chloe would never want to see her family in shambles; her dad was just doing her the honour of keeping them afloat.

"Thank you so much for inviting us," Aubrey smiled. She had been here many times before, for Christmas and otherwise. Chloe's family's house was like a second home to Aubrey, or more like a first most of the time. Her parents both put their careers before anything else, including their only child. Being friends with Chloe growing up had meant she had a family, a real one that ate dinner together, hugged each other and actually spent Christmas together. She was glad to know she still had a family, even if she didn't have Chloe.

"Here, let me take your things upstairs," he offered, grabbing their luggage. "Aubrey you can stay in the guest room, it's practically yours anyway. You never could share the bed with Chloe, she always was a kicker. Beca, umm, do you mind staying in Chloe's old room?" her father's voice was hesitant.

"Yeah, that's fine," Beca smiled. It was Christmas, Chloe's favourite holiday; this would only make Beca feel closer to the girl. Besides, she would probably just end up climbing in with Aubrey anyway. Neither of them would admit it out loud, but they both slept better next the other one. Beca had never even remotely liked to share her bed, but now there was something comforting to hear about not sleeping alone.

" _Beca, Beca, wake up," Aubrey was shaking her, "hey, are you okay? You were screaming." Beca must have had another nightmare. It was the same one, every time. She didn't have it every night, but when she did it was always the same, always awful. She was on the side of the road, just watching, watching as the car slammed into her Honda; helpless. Unable to move, unable to run, unable to do anything but watch as Chloe died. She screamed at the top of her lungs, her neighbours would have probably called the cops if Aubrey hadn't told them otherwise. When she woke, she was in her bed, Aubrey's arms around her. Reality was only slightly less awful than her nightmare; Chloe was still dead after all. "Move over," Aubrey prodded her gently, sliding under the covers. "Go back to sleep Beca, everything is okay," the blonde pressed a kiss to the side the smaller woman's head._

They spent the evening enjoying Chloe's mothers' delicious cooking. It was certainly better than any take-out they could have ordered. Chloe's two older brothers told stories about Chloe and Aubrey as kids. Her mother talked about their first Christmas in their house, Chloe was four and she split her head open on the ice skating rink her father made in the backyard. Even Aubrey chimed in with a few stories about Chloe of her own. Chloe, that was the only person on anyone at the table's mind. While Beca wasn't ready to share her own stories about her girlfriend, she did enjoy hearing the ones offered up by her loved ones. Chloe was always the cute, sunshine and rainbows girl that Beca had loved.

When night fell, Beca and Aubrey bid Chloe's parents a good night, thanked them for probably the hundredth time for dinner and made their way upstairs. Beca hadn't noticed before, but Chloe's room was the exact way she had left with when she went away to college. It was still painted pink, still decorated with fake flowers, and still filled with what Beca would consider an insane amount of stuffed animals. Aubrey stood in the door way, watching as Beca took in the room's charm.

"The guest room has a double," Aubrey smirked, eyes on the single bed in the centre of the room.

"I'll be there in a minute," Beca smiled, and the blonde made her way to the guest room, leaving Beca alone with her thoughts.

Beca took the leather bound book out of her suitcase. She had finished reading it, and re-reading it. This room was filled with memories of Chloe, and it seemed appropriate. Beca ran her fingers along the spine of the book one last time; she traced the C on the cover. When she was done she stuffed the book gently under the pillow. She would tell her mother of its location before she left. The diary had served its purpose for Beca, to connect her for just a little while longer with her love.

_Dear diary, it's February the 9_ _th_ _, I know, I haven't written in a while. I've just been so busy with life, enjoying it that is. I love my job, I never thought of it until Aubrey suggested it but teaching is really my passion. I have great friends, Aubrey, the Bellas and I, we go out all the time. Everyone is always up for a good time, and they admittedly have a lot more time for fun now that Aubrey isn't team captain. Beca is a lot more laid back, that's for sure. Which brings me to my wonderful girlfriend, you know her, Beca, I've probably talked about her a thousand times in the last eight months, probably even before. I love her, you know. She is just the sweetest, most beautiful, amazing person I have ever met. I can't wait to spend Valentine's Day with her; I got her something really special._

The brunette made her way down the hallway, offering a nod and a smile to Chloe's father before slipping into the guest room. Aubrey was already under the covers, but not yet asleep.

"I'm glad we came," Beca said, sliding in next to the blonde's warm body.

"Same," Aubrey agreed, "I can't imagine spending this Christmas anyone else, or with anyone else."

The sun peaked through the blinds in the guest room. Beca blinked a few times, trying to get her bearings. It was cold, freezing actually. Beca fished a sweater out of her bag and slipped it on over her pajamas. It was the same ugly Christmas sweater that Chloe had bought for her the previous year. It was definitely ugly and so not Beca's thing, but it was warm and really, she just couldn't get rid of it.

"Merry Christmas," Beca whispered to the blonde who was beginning to stir on the opposite side of the bed.

"Merry Christmas Beca," Aubrey said, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

Beca tossed the other woman a sweater from her own bag. Aubrey wore a strapless camisole to bed, even in the winter. She sat upright, and pulled the sweater over her head and slipped her feet into the slippers on the floor. Winter, hands down the worst time of year Beca thought. The weather was terrible, and neither Beca nor Aubrey were really one for winter sports.

"Do you want your present now?" Beca asked, smiling. She handed Aubrey a poorly wrapped package from her bag. It was heavy, and soft, and odd combination for sure.

Aubrey tore the paper off gently; it always took her forever to open any gift. There was a lovely scarf, soft, and beautifully crafted. It was also wrapped around a book. Aubrey's favourite book actually, one that Beca noticed was suspiciously missing from the blonde's bookshelf in the apartment. When she pulled the scarf completely off the book, something else fell out. It was a bracelet, simple and silver. Aubrey just smiled when she saw the words engraved on the inside, "thank you." This was Beca's way of thanking her for the last ten months. She didn't need to; not really, Aubrey knew how she felt already. Beyond that, Beca had helped Aubrey just as much as she had helped the brunette. They had gotten through it together.

Aubrey threw her arms around Beca, "thank you."

"Here, let me get yours," she dug around in her bag, looking for the envelope. "Sorry it is nearly as mushy, who would have known you were such a softie."

To Beca, Love Aubrey, Merry Christmas the green envelope read. Beca opened the flap, and pulled out the gift. "Two tickets to see David Guetta, sweet. Jesse will be so excited when I tell him," Beca teased, sticking out her tongue.

"Thanks Aubrey," Beca gave the blonde a peck on the cheek, and stuffed the tickets back into their envelope. The concert wasn't for a few months, but Beca was already looking forward to it. Though she loved music concerts weren't normally Beca's scene; David Guetta was supposed to put on a pretty good live show though.

"I signed your name to the cards on the gifts I got for Chloe's parents by the way," Aubrey informed her before they made their way downstairs.

"Oh, thanks. Yeah I didn't really know what to get them, Chloe picked out their gifts last year."

Aubrey figured as much, she also didn't expect Beca to brave the mall at this time of year. She was somewhat surprised to receive something that couldn't be picked up at a gas station or a 7/11. Beca was sweet though, and she did things she didn't particularly like for the people she cared about. Really, if she thought about it, it didn't actually surprise her all that much.

Breakfast was pancakes, Chloe's favourite, and her brothers' too by the looks of their plates. The food, that was definitely Beca's favourite and perhaps the only thing she really loved about this holiday. This morning's conversation was quite a bit lighter than the night previous. Apparently the boys were planning on going snowboarding tomorrow, and Chloe's parents were going to a friends' house for wine and cheese.

The day was spent mostly in the living room, they unwrapped the few presents they had exchanged and sat around, just enjoying each other's company. Chloe's parents had given each of them a photo album. They were identical and filled with photos of Chloe, Chloe growing up mostly but also some of her older, some they must have taken from Chloe's own stash. They were photos of her with the Bellas, photos of her with Aubrey in their earlier years at Barden and photos of her and Beca together. They were beautiful, and they both appreciated the gesture. Beca couldn't help but tear up as she flipped through the pages, the memories.

" _I love photo albums," Chloe smiled wide, slipping another photo into the book in her hands. "I get it from my mom, she has tons of them at home." Beca smiled as she flipped through the pages, this was a college album. It contained all of Chloe's memories of Barden, mostly the Bellas and virtually every photo included Aubrey. It was sweet really, the way Chloe wanted to remember everything in vivid detail. Beca didn't really remember having many photos around the house as a child. Photos were great. Beca made a resolution to maybe collect some more photos for herself, at least a few in frames of her favourite people; maybe even one that included Aubrey._

Dinner was nice, more homemade food and her mother lit a candle for Chloe. Beca had been to very few Christmas dinners that didn't devolve into a screaming match, or drunken embarrassment. After they finished dinner, and enjoyed tea and something known as Christmas pudding they started to say their goodbyes. Their visit had been lovely, but it was enough family time for the both of them. A quiet night with a cheesy Christmas movie would be the ideal cap off to the holiday.

"It was lovely to see you girls," Chloe's mother said sweetly, giving them a hug goodbye, "stay in touch," she added.

Before they made their way out the door Chloe's father pulled Aubrey aside. It had snowed and the car would probably need to be heated, so Beca grabbed her bags and went out the door, with one last wave to Chloe's brothers.

"You love her," Chloe's dad spoke up once everyone else was out of ear shot. Aubrey screwed up her face and shook her head. "I wasn't born yesterday my dear. It's written all over your face." Still Aubrey said nothing.

"You look at her the way Chloe used to look at her," she could detect a hint of sadness in his voice, but his face still held a smile. "Aubrey, you're the only daughter I have left, I just want to see you happy. I'm telling you not to get caught up in your head. Follow your heart."

Aubrey smiled and hugged the man who was always more of a father to her than her own. "Thank you," she said, turning to go back to the entry way.

When she reached the car it was all clear, warmed up and ready to go. Beca didn't ask what that was about, figuring it was private moment. Aubrey had known Chloe's family for a very long time.

" _Make sure you bring these cookies back to Aubrey," her mother yelled as she traversed the icy steps. "I will mom, I know they're her favourites," Chloe called back. Aubrey was busy and couldn't make this trip home with her, but her parents always made sure to send home goodies for both of them. Aubrey was like a second daughter to Chloe's parents, her happiness meant just as much to them as Chloe's._


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Beca was not getting up today, definitely not. There was nothing in the world that could get to her to go class or to the Bellas' practice that she had no idea who scheduled nothing. February 10th, this was not a day that needed to be lived. The apartment was silent; obviously Aubrey felt the same way. Any other day Aubrey would scoff at the idea of sleeping an entire day away, doing nothing productive, but today, she would like nothing better. This was definitely a day that didn't need to be lived. The second she heard it buzz Beca threw her phone so hard against the wall that it smashed. Who cares, she didn't want their condolences anyway. She'd get a new one, tomorrow or never, it was the last thing on her mind today anyway.

He resolve to sleep all day cracked when all she saw when she closed her eyes was that god damn Honda. Her nightmare was back, of course it was back. Of course the one year anniversary of Chloe's death would bring more pain than she would have ever imagined possible. Why would the universe let her sleep this awful day away when it could offer her a horrifying reminder of her loss? She must have been screaming again because soon Aubrey was up, and rooting around the kitchen. Not for food Beca assumed, there was no way the blonde would be keeping anything down today. The reason for her trip to the kitchen became clear when she appeared in Beca's door way moments later with a glass of water and some pain killers.

"Here," she said, her eyes told Beca that she wasn't the only one who hadn't slept a wink the previous night.

Beca choked the pills down and sipped some water. "Thanks."

Aubrey lay down next to Beca, and the two quickly fell back to sleep. Neither was willing or able to allow to the momentary disruption to stop them from pretending this day didn't exist. When Beca opened her eyes again she wasn't sure of the time, having busted her clock. It was light out again, it must be the next morning, and the morning of a day that wasn't the anniversary of Chloe's death. Aubrey stirred next to her.

"Please tell me it's the 11th," Beca whispered desperately as the blonde reached for her own phone on the night stand.

"9 am, February the 11th," Aubrey confirmed. They had managed to sleep for another eighteen hours after Aubrey brought Beca that glass of water. The nightmare never returned, thankfully. Beca wasn't sure she what she would break next if she had to live through that one more time.

"Are you hungry?" Aubrey asked, getting up out of the bed.

"No," Beca replied, truthfully. It was no longer the 10th but she still didn't want to eat, not yet anyway.

Aubrey glanced over to the side of the room where Beca's phone lay in pieces. She made no comment. It wasn't a shock to her, just reminiscent of all the things Beca had smashed exactly a year ago.

"I have an old one in my room you can use," she offered after a few minutes. As much as Beca didn't want to talk to anyone, she knew not having her phone on would just be worse. Her whereabouts were common knowledge now and the last thing she wanted was anyone showing up at the apartment. It had also been a huge pain to clean out her voicemail inbox last year and she did not want to do that again.

"Yeah, thanks."

" _Just so you know the plates in the cabinet on the left are cheap and have no sentimental value," Aubrey said, completely serious. She wasn't teasing or patronizing Beca, she was legitimately tell her what to smash next. Breaking things seemed to help her, and it was far better alternative to listening to her scream or cry. Not that Aubrey wouldn't continue to listen to it; she'd listen to it forever if she had to, the momentary peace and quiet was just welcome. Aubrey cleaned up the wreckage once Beca finally fell asleep. Perhaps it was a good thing Beca kept mostly to screaming and tears, if she kept up the destruction they'd run out of, well everything._

A few hours later Beca finally gave in to her hunger and sat down with Aubrey for dinner. Aubrey made pasta, Beca's favourite. She took the week off work; besides the fact that her heart just wasn't it, she also didn't want to leave Beca alone.

"Will you go with me?" Beca started, clarifying, "to her grave site, on the 14th."

"Of course," Aubrey agreed, offering a sad smile.

Aubrey had been to Chloe's grave, a few times over the last year. Beca never wanted to come. At first it was too fresh, and when it wasn't Beca was doing so well that she didn't want to open up the wounds again. Memories of Chloe were one thing, but actually visiting her, Beca wasn't sure she was ready. Valentine's Day though, she decided she had to go finally.

The air was cold, the wind biting and the sky dark; Beca expected it to rain at any moment. Aubrey held her hand as they walked toward the grave site. Beca didn't even really know where it was, her memory of the funeral a year ago was blurred. She was probably in too much shock to really take anything in. The head stone was added recently; at least that's what Aubrey told her. In loving memory of a beloved daughter, sister and friend it read. It was also engraved with a daisy in the corner. Beautiful, just like Chloe Beca thought.

Beca took a seat on the cold ground. She wasn't really sure what to do, she had never really visited a cemetery. She just sat and let the memories wash over her. Happy ones, sad ones, memories of their time together and memories of the past year, time spent apart. After a few minutes Aubrey took the hint and made her way back to the car, she was getting cold anyway.

"I've missed you, of course I have, how could I not. You were my everything; I loved you so much. It hurt to miss you, still does. I don't think about you every day anymore. I don't know what that means," Beca was rambling, but no one was around. "You were right by the way, Aubrey is great. I wish I had listened to you when you here. She's sweet and lovely, and she's been there every day. I don't know what I'd do without her. She's kind of like my air, you know. I don't know why I'm telling you this, you always knew how amazing she was. You were lucky you know, to know her for as long as you did. Anyway, I'm sorry I haven't visited before now; I promise I'll come back more. Love you Chloe. Goodbye." Beca whispered the last word and placed a kiss on the cold head stone.

" _Beca, you really should give Aubrey a chance. She's really sweet if you get to know her. She's been my best friend since I was four, do you think I'd have kept her around if she wasn't the best." Chloe was adamant about her girlfriend and her best friend getting along. It bugged her that they never talked, and even after their big win couldn't least be friendly. She was always telling Beca how great the blonde was and presumably Aubrey received similar speeches about Beca. Beca just rolled her eyes, Chloe had a good point about the length of their friendship but the girl was still crazy uptight. Beca wasn't sure she could ever stand to really spend any great amount of time with her._

Beca made her way back to the car, Aubrey was in the driver's seat with the heat on listening to the radio.

"Let's go home," Beca said, hopping in the passenger's seat. It was weird, this week had been one of her most awful weeks in a while, but after visiting Chloe she was feeling better. Perhaps it was the sense of relief she felt having finally visited her. It had been eating away at her that she hadn't been to the grave site the entire year. Perhaps it was just that she was happier, finally having the opportunity to talk to Chloe again. Maybe it was something else entirely. Either way Beca felt like a weight had been lifted off her, off her heart.

Beca would always miss Chloe and Chloe would always have a piece of her heart, that's just life. Now though, she didn't feel held down by her own grief. She could think about her, remember her, visit her; now, now she could live with missing her.

"Do you want to go to dinner?" Beca asked as they turned out of a parking lot.

"No," Aubrey shook her head as if to reinforce her answer.

Beca's face fell, the answer was so blunt, she wasn't expecting it.

"Sorry, I just mean not tonight. Its Valentine's Day, and besides the fact that it is officially the worst holiday for us, we don't have reservations and everywhere will be packed. I'm hungry, let's just get take out and go home."

The smile returned to the brunette's face. "That sounds good."

Beca dropped the take-out on the counter in the kitchen as Aubrey took off her coat. "I'll be right back," she assured the blonde.

Beca took her own winter clothes off in her bedroom, laying them gently on the bed. She sat on the edge of her bed, next to her night stand and opened the drawer. She reached for her neck, slowly unhooking her necklace and removing it. She stared at it in her palm for a few moments, tracing the engraving on the back. Beca kissed the silver heart and laid it gently back into its box, and then into the drawer.

"Ah plates and real cutlery, aren't we classy this evening," Beca teased, making her way back into the kitchen.

"Well," Aubrey started, "I figured since you wanted to go out to dinner the least I could do was make it more like a restaurant in here."

Beca just laughed. She grabbed a candle off the coffee table, and some matches out of the drawer.

"Now, it's more like a restaurant."

Once they finished eating, Beca settled in on the couch. It was still early and she had slept so much already this week that she wasn't tired in the least.

"So, one of the numerous cheesy rom-coms on TV for Valentine's Day, or something else entirely?" Beca asked, once Aubrey joined her.

"Something else, anything else, any slasher flicks on?" the blonde asked, entirely serious.

"Is that just so you can bury your face in my arm at all the gory parts?" Beca teased her.

" _Oh my god," Aubrey was holding tight to Beca's arm, covering her eyes with her hands. "I told you we didn't have to watch this; here I'll turn it off." There was a reason Chloe and Aubrey loved romantic comedies, there were never any scary parts or nasty blood and guts. Beca didn't mind so much, it was usually very obviously fake to her and crap like that had never bothered her. "No its fine, just, don't let go." "I won't."_

Beca wrapped her arm around the blonde as she flipped through the channels, looking for something, anything other than a romantic comedy. After a while they decided on a random cooking competition. Apparently Valentine's Day wasn't the best day to be looking for slasher flicks on cable. Beca offered her usual commentary about the dishes. Nothing ever looked even remotely edible on these fancy gourmet chef competitions. Squid, yuck, froie gras, what the hell is that even, weird greens, all of it was so strange. Aubrey just laughed, the shows really were much better with Beca's interjected opinion. There was something so much funnier about watching people cook while a complete novice critiqued their technique and plating style. She couldn't be cuter if she tried, Aubrey thought.

"Do you think I could make it on this one?" Aubrey asked, Beca always rated both of their chances of winning whatever reality show they happened to be watching.

"Not likely."

Aubrey frowned.

"Don't get me wrong, I like your cooking, but these weirdoes do some seriously crazy stuff with food."

"You have no confidence in my abilities," Aubrey sighed and feigned disappointment.

"Hey, I'd still rather eat anything you cooked than any of that stuff."

The smile returned to the blonde's face at Beca's admission. "I'd also rather kiss you than any of them."

"Beca…"

Before she could continue Beca's lips were pressed to hers.

She pulled away, "Beca don't…"

"No, Aubrey, you don't. Don't ruin this and don't try and tell me you don't want it too."

"But Chloe, she loved you, she'd want…"

"What, what would she want. Tell me, or actually don't. You know why because I'm so sick and tired of people telling me what Chloe would want. She's dead Aubrey, dead and never coming back. You know that, I know that and every fucking person who tells me what she'd want knows it to. What she would want doesn't matter, because she's not here to really want it. Besides, do you know what I think she would want? I think Chloe would want both of us to be happy. Chloe would want us to stop messing around and move on with our damn lives. She would rather we were happy together, than miserable and alone for the rest of our lives. We still have our lives Aubrey, we still get to live. Its like a slap in a face to her, she lost her life and can't continue living it, but we can. So stop telling me to stop, stop giving me excuses. I know you want this and you have no real reason not to go for it because I'm telling you that I want it to. I want you Aubrey, I love you, like actually love you, and this is not just gratitude."

When Beca finally finished speaking Aubrey leaned in and kissed her; deep, passionate, warm. Once she pulled away she could see tears forming in Beca's eyes.

She was about to speak when Beca stopped her, "I'm happy," she said, "I'm just finally really happy again."

Aubrey smiled, and wiped a tear from Beca's cheek. "I love you too."

"Can we watch one of those romantic comedies now?" Beca asked.

"Yeah, yeah we can."

Beca snuggled close into Aubrey once she found one that was starting soon and changed the channel. Aubrey pulled a blanket on over them and put her arm around the brunette.

" _Aubrey I swear you're never going to be happy if you don't learn to open yourself up. If you get rejected by a few good ones first isn't that better than continuing to waste your time with douchebags." Chloe was now yelling at her friend, she had come home from yet another date crying. "You need to take a risk, stop doing what's easy and actually follow your damn heart for once. Life isn't worth it if you're just going to be heart broken and alone." Chloe's words stung with truth. Aubrey really needed to smarten up when it came to love. The last thing she ever wanted was to be alone, to never know the kind of happiness Chloe did._


	8. Chapter 8

 

**Chapter 8**

"The competition is tomorrow morning right?" Aubrey asked, watching as Beca danced around the living room.

She was practicing their routine for the semi-finals, trying to get her choreography down pat and looking to Aubrey for tips on her form. If Aubrey could be counted on for anything it would be honesty about Beca's dancing.

"Yep, Saturday morning at 9 am sharp," the brunette confirmed.

"So, would you like your girlfriend to be there front row centre?" Aubrey winked, smiling at the still practicing girl.

"Didn't you already tell the Bellas you'd be there?" Beca raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, I will be there. I'm asking if you want your girlfriend Aubrey there, or just regular, Bellas supporter Aubrey." Aubrey's intentions were now clear, she knew Beca hadn't told the Bellas about their relationship yet and she didn't want to make anything uncomfortable for her.

Its not that Beca wanted to hide the relationship, she just wasn't sure how to tell them. Her relationship with Chloe had always been a hot topic with the Bellas. Their attraction and feelings were obvious, probably to everyone but themselves from day one. She just didn't know how to say, hey, remember how Aubrey and I used to hate each other, well we don't anymore. It would just come so out of left field.

_"Jesus, I feel like I've been drafted to World War III," Cynthia Rose cringed. Beca and Aubrey were at each other's throats, again. None of the Bellas really knew what to do when they broke out into a screaming match. It was Aubrey who did most of the screaming, but Beca managed to get in a few good shots here and there. Whether it was the set list, their uniforms, or how much time they spent rehearsing, Beca and Aubrey couldn't agree on anything. Chloe just sat head in her hands wishing they would stop, helpless to actually do anything to stop them. More than anyone she wished they could just get along, she really thought they'd like each other if they made more of an effort._

"I would very much like for my girlfriend to be there to cheer me on," Beca smiled, stopping momentarily to give Aubrey a kiss.

"Excellent," Aubrey was glad to hear this; keeping her relationship a secret wasn't exactly easy for her. She was the happiest she had ever been, and all she wanted to do was share that.

Beca woke up early the next morning, unusual for her, but today she had somewhere to be. She dragged herself out of bed and into the kitchen. Aubrey was already sitting at the table, sipping away at her drink and munching on toast. Fortunately for Beca, Aubrey was an earlier riser and she always had coffee ready.

"Good morning, love," Aubrey smiled at her from across the kitchen.

"It always is a good morning when I get to see you," Beca wasn't usually one for mushy banter either, but sometimes she couldn't help herself.

Today was a big day, a big day where she could help get her girls back into the ICCA finals. The glory of redemption was on all of their minds; today would get them one step closer to reclaiming that ICCA trophy from the Trebles. Beca missed last year's semi-finals, but today, today she wouldn't miss for the world.

Beca hummed her arrangement as they drove to the venue. Aubrey hadn't heard their set yet, not having had the time to drop by one of their rehearsals. She was excited to see what Beca had come up with, whatever it was; she knew it would be brilliant.

"Well, if it isn't the head aca-bitch, you here to give us a pep talk?" Amy asked, as Aubrey and Beca approached the group.

"Nope, I think your fearless leader here can do that just fine. Just here to say good luck, and kick some Treblemaker ass." Aubrey gave Beca a quick kiss before leaving to go find a seat.

It was a few moments before anyone spoke up, most of the girls just stood, jaws agape. "I think a few of you owe me ten bucks," Cynthia Rose piped up.

"What? That was like three years ago," Stacie protested.

"Am I missing something?" Beca inquired of her team.

They just laughed, "way back when we all joined the Bellas and the two of you were at each other's throats Cynthia Rose kept betting everyone she was sure you would hook up," Jessica filled her in.

"Pay up then," Beca teased.

"So, how long have you and blondie been shacking up then?" Amy asked, as they waited for their turn.

The Treblemakers were currently on stage, trying their best to get through an ambitious mash-up of One Direction, Usher and Justin Beiber. The Bellas were the final act of the day and would be going on next.

"Almost two months," Beca informed them. That was their official answer for how long they'd been together, although they both knew they'd been skating around the truth for a lot longer than that.

It was finally their turn. Beca gave up on the whole ah on three thing, now they just put their hands in. She wasn't nervous, she never got nervous anymore. She knew she was with her best girls, and no matter what happened, they'd be fine.

Beca had been carefully preparing their mash-up for a few weeks; "Payphone," "Toxic," "Disturbia," "Forever & Always," and "Be Without You." Apparently it had paid off, they finished their set to the raucous applause the Bellas had come to know, mostly thanks to Beca.

They placed first, actually beating the Trebles in the semis for once. Their dream of being ICCA champions once again was that much closer. Beca would need to prepare something even better for this year's finals, but thankfully the girls were always ready with cool ideas, and feedback on her mixes.

After a few group hugs, and fist bumps from the Bellas, Beca hopped off the stage. The crowd was slowly filing out, but Beca only had eyes for one audience member. Front row centre, just like she promised. Beca's lips crashed together with the blonde's in a moment of pure joy and ecstasy. She hadn't felt this good in a long time, and it definitely called for celebration.

"Congratulations!" Aubrey's smile was wide when she and Beca finally broke apart.

"Couldn't have done it without you," Beca beamed, Aubrey just raised an eyebrow. Beca started to hum, whispering the lyrics in Aubrey's ear, "Chemistry was crazy from the get-go, neither one of us knew why. We didn't build nothing overnight. Cuz a love like this takes some time…Too strong for too long and I can't be without you baby. And I'll be waiting up until you get home, cuz I can't sleep without you baby."

_"Why in the name of all that is holy are we listening to Mary J Blige at 8 am?" Beca asked, screwing up her face. "I like this song," Aubrey shot back, "its sweet." "Anybody who's ever loved, ya know just what I feel. Too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it," the stereo blared. "Right," Beca took another bite of her cereal. Love songs never really were her thing, but if Aubrey liked it, well, Beca took a step closer and turned up the volume. "Too strong, for too long and I can't be without you baby."_

"Have I told you yet how much I love you?" Aubrey said with a smile.

"You might have," Beca smirked, "And I might just love you more."

Beca heard it said a lot, that people didn't know how, or when or why they fell in love, but she knew all of those things. She knew it was how Aubrey was there for her, every day and every night no matter what. How she held her up and when she couldn't do it on her own. She knew it was when Aubrey looked at her and smiled one night while they were watching TV, and she felt something more than heart ache for the first time in a long time. Most importantly, she knew it was because Aubrey was the sweetest, most caring, most beautiful person Beca had ever met, even if she didn't know it the first time they met. She knew exactly why she was in love with Aubrey, and that it would never change, it was only possible for Beca to learn more reasons for her love. Beca smiled at the thought.

"So would I make it on this show?" Aubrey asked, they were watching Top Model for reasons Beca could not explain. Beca just smiled, of course Aubrey would; Tyra would be crazy not to pick her, tall, blonde and stunning. "What?" the blonde asked, Beca was staring and it struck her as odd. "Nothing, I just love you." The kiss she received in return told Beca that was a better answered than she'd hoped for.

* * *

 

"And that my lovely little girl is how we fell in love, and why we named you Chloe," Beca kissed her 8 year old daughter softly on the cheek.

It was Valentine's Day again; her daughter's birthday. It was funny almost, how the meaning of the day had changed so much over time for both Beca and Aubrey. It went from being one of the worst days of their life, to one of the best. The day Chloe was buried, and the day their first and only child was born. She was born on their sixth Valentine's Day together, and it was the best Valentine's Day either of them had ever had. More screaming and pain than romance normally allowed for, but it was wonderful all the same.

It had taken Beca a while to agree to the whole kid thing. She was afraid, and for more reasons than her usual reasons. She had seen the heart break first hand that Chloe's parents had experienced. She saw what it did to them to have the child they loved so much ripped from their lives so suddenly and so tragically. She never wanted to have to see Aubrey experience that kind of heart break, and if she was being honest with herself she was afraid to ever feel that kind of pain herself. So it took a lot of convincing but it came to a point where Beca just couldn't say no anymore. She was hurting Aubrey just as much by denying her the one thing she really wanted. Beca was denying her all the happiness she deserved, and she couldn't do it anymore.

_"Is this not the cutest thing you've ever seen?" Aubrey squealed, holding up a pink onesie in the store. "Yeah," Beca wasn't going to bite, not today. "Come on Beca, you don't want us to have a little one to dress in cute, tiny outfits?" She did, well maybe she did, she wasn't really sure. Beca just shook her head; she couldn't look Aubrey in the eyes and lie to her again. Before she realized it, Aubrey's arms were around her. "I love you Beca, and if you really don't ever want a kid, well I'll have to live with that. I don't believe you don't though." She placed a kiss on the shorter woman's neck. "We can talk about it," Beca mumbled, a barely audible whisper. "I love you."_

On this particular Valentine's Day her daughter was in a curious mood, asking all kinds of questions. Being her birthday Beca couldn't really deny her answers, not that she could deny her anything any other time either. The sweet little blonde had Beca wrapped around her finger. Given the holiday she had asked how her mothers had fallen in love. It was cute really, that she wanted to know. Beca hesitated, looking over at Aubrey for confirmation before beginning her story.

It was a complicated story really; a story of lost love, heart break, pain, friendship, confusion, reluctance, acceptance and realizations. The realizations that love was there, waiting with open arms if either of them were willing to accept it. Maybe it wasn't under the most ideal circumstances, but it was love all the same. Love that was deep, beautiful and desperately needing to be acknowledged; it was true love. Chloe may have been Beca's first love, but Aubrey, Aubrey was her true love. A love that was strong through everything, even the worst, and a love that meant Beca was never alone.

They usually visited the cemetery together, just the two of them every Valentine's Day. They went either early in the morning, or late at night, celebrating with their little girl in between. Today though they brought her with them, it was time Chloe met the child her two favourite people had named after her. Beca had told Chloe about her over the years on the other occasions she would visit her grave alone. She thought it probably looked rather silly, her sitting there talking to a headstone, but she did it anyway. She told Chloe of her bright blonde hair, pale, beautiful blue eyes, and the smile that could light up a whole room. She told her how much her daughter reminded her of her, and how proud that made her. She could read before she started kindergarten, surely something she picked up from her mother. Her first word was no, which was definitely a Beca trait. She dances like no one is watching though, loves to sing; and she's also sweet, kind and a friend to everyone, so much like her namesake. Beca's only wish was that Chloe could meet her little girl in person, however impossible that may be.

"Chloe Amanda Beale," the small girl ran her fingers over the letters engraved in stone, her other hand holding tight to Aubrey's. They stood for a few moments, just looking at the stone, and the snow covered ground. The wreath they left at Christmas was still there, next to the one left by her parents.

"Happy Valentine's Day Chloe," Beca whispered, dropping a few daises at her feet. It was winter, but she saved and dried them throughout the year, they were after all Chloe's favourite flowers.

"You guys both loved her a lot huh," she spoke softly, as they walked back to their car.

"More than anything," Aubrey confirmed, squeezing her tiny hand.

"Just like we do you," Beca added, placing a kiss on her daughter's head. It was her child's innocence and sweetness that got Beca through even the worst days now.

Just as they were about to pull out of the lot, a familiar face knocked on the window. Aubrey rolled it down, smiling at Chloe's father.

"How's my sweet little pumpkin?" he asked, waving to the small child in the back seat.

"Grandpa!" she cheered, smiling as always.

"We'll be over for her birthday dinner around five okay, see you later," he smiled back as Aubrey rolled the window back up. Chloe's parents had joined them every year for a special birthday dinner for little Chloe. They treated her as one of their own grandchildren, spoiling her, giving her lots of hugs and always being there for her. Their little girl was lucky to be so loved, two moms and eight grandparents between Aubrey's parents, Beca's parents' remarriages and Chloe's parents.

February 14th, 14 years ago had been the worst day of Beca's life. If you had told her then that she would find so much happiness in her life, well, she probably would have punched you in the face. Today though Beca was happier than she ever thought possible. She had Aubrey and their beautiful daughter, all the love in the world and then some.

_"You'll be a great mom Beca, you'll have an adorable, happy family and you'll be so loved you won't be able to understand how you got so lucky," Chloe smiled. Beca had confessed her fears of the future to Chloe one afternoon after Bellas' practice. She was starting to open up and the things she confessed to Chloe she'd never told anyone else. Beca always thought she'd make a terrible mom, she didn't even know where to start with kids and she didn't really want to use her first child as a crash test dummy. "Right," Beca said, rolling her eyes. "I'm serious, it'll happen, just you wait and see. Someone will break down those walls and show you all the love, and happiness that life has to offer."_

 

**The End**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Your feedback, as always is greatly appreciated.


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